


Salt of Midgar

by calysto1395



Category: Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tags to be added, Zack Fair Lives, allusion to torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24041824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calysto1395/pseuds/calysto1395
Summary: “Does Zack know you’re here?” He asked. Cloud gave a half-hearted shrug, then shook his head.“He’s gonna worry.” Barret said.“He’s always worried.” Cloud replied and frowned, looking straight ahead. Barret almost startled, hearing his voice. “I’m… difficult.” Cloud added after a moment of silence.You and me both, Barret thought.
Relationships: Cloud Strife & Barret Wallace, Zack Fair & Cloud Strife
Comments: 208
Kudos: 386





	1. Wasteland

Barret didn’t like leaving Midgar. For all that he cursed it and complained about it, it had become his home. Maybe that was why he fought so hard for it, among the other reasons he didn’t want to think about. His arm throbbed a moment with phantom pain, persisting until he dropped the thought. 

Still. Leaving Midgar meant leaving Marlene- even if it was in Tifa’s capable hands- as well as dealing with the endless wasteland surrounding and all the trouble that came with. Living outside the law meant that sometimes you had to do things in an unconventional manner. 

An unconventional manner meaning borrowing a truck and meeting a sleazy guy a half a day drive away from the city to pick up supplies. It was a lot easier to enter Midgar through the slums with contraband than try to get said contraband into the markets without raising suspicion. The plans that were brewing in Barret’s mind were too sensitive to risk, even this early. Something had to change in Midgar, and if the rest of Avalanche couldn’t see it? Fuck ‘em. He would make Shin-Ra pay, he would stop them. He had always known it would come with sacrifices. 

He huffed a sigh. The long ride flew by without any distractions, and the deal going off without a hitch had put him on edge. His vehicle was fast enough to outrun any person (or monster) trying to chase him, so there was nothing to take his mind off of his own thoughts and Midgar’s borders looming closer and closer. That’s when Barret noticed it out of the corner of his eye- a small blip on the vast wasteland. At first he thought it was a monster - finally something to shoot - so he slowed the car and took a closer look. 

People..? Two of them. Too far out to see much detail. 

They were slowly making their way toward Midgar, miles from the next city, and no transportation in sight. Why the hell were they out here? 

Before Barret knew it, he had stopped the car and watched them warily from afar. Bandits, maybe? It wasn’t unheard of, he knew that people got taken advantage of out here. You thought you were doing a good deed and next thing you knew they were robbing you for all you were worth. 

The two people fell flat. A plume of dust kicked up as they hit the ground together, and Barret let out a confused noise. 

“What.” Barret muttered and watched the dirt settle as he sweat. The sun topside was brutal, beating down on the car and cooking him slowly but surely. He wasn’t sure if it would be better outside right now. In the distance, the two figures rose slowly from the ground, obviously struggling. Barret sighed heavily. 

“Ah, hell.” He said, and started the car again, turning the wheel to intercept them. He’d regret it for sure- and he was sure get an earful from Tifa. Him and his soft heart was more trouble than it was worth. At least he was stocked up on ammunition, he mused. 

The small shape of the wanderers came steadily closer. Neither of them acknowledged the approaching car or attempted to run. Once closer, Barret could see them more clearly. Two young men, by the looks of it, carrying around a comically large sword. He led the car alongside them slowly and stopped just in front of them. The dust flew right into their path once more. He rolled his window down. 

“Hey! You two alright?” 

Neither of them replied. Barret felt a bit bad for covering them in dirt again. Then again, they were already caked in dried mud, especially their boots. They must have been walking all night, it had been raining heavily the day before. Underneath the mud however was the familiar maroon brown of dried blood. The dark haired one, the taller of the two, seemed completely out of it, hanging off his friend, eyes closed and unresponsive. The blonde was a wispy little thing, dragging him along by sheer force of will. One arm slung around the other’s waist, the other using the sword more like a cane than a weapon. His eyes were set hard towards the horizon; where Midgar was going to cast a long shadow over the both of them before too long. He stumbled and both of them fell again. 

“Aw, shit.” Barret jumped out of the car and rounded it in quick steps. By the time he had reached them, the blonde boy was already attempting to get back up. His arms were shaking as he pushed himself up from the ground, barely holding his own weight, much less that of another person and a dumb chunk of metal. 

“Hey kid, you look like you could use a hand.” Barret said and was already crouching down. The blond didn’t seem to have even heard him. His eyes-

“Son of a bitch.” His eyes were bright blue, but glowing a familiar green around the pupils as the evening sun moved behind Midgar and shrouded them in darkness. The eyes of a Soldier. Only now did Barret notice their clothing. The black signature garb of the Shin-Ra dogs. He stood up with disgust and took a step back. 

Pah, Shin-Ra dogs deserved to die out here, he thought. To think he had almost wasted his kindness on them. Whatever hell they had crawled out of, they could crawl right back. Probably had just torched a village or whatever Shin-Ra sent these guys out to do these days. 

The kid’s arms gave out from under him another time, and he fell face first back into the dirt. His chest was heaving. Gloved fingers curled in the dirt. He tried to get back up again. 

Barret told himself to leave, even got as far as to turn back to his car. Nobody would even know he had seen them, these bastards were as good as dead anyway. It was what any Shin-Ra Soldier would do to _him_ if they had found him lying on the ground. 

But he wasn’t like them, right? 

“Fuck.” Oh, Tifa was _definitely_ gonna have a field day with this. He raked a hand across his short hair and crouched down. “Alright, you little shit, you better not make me regret this.” He said and grabbed the kid underneath his arms to lift him up. 

A panic noise in the back of the kid’s throat emerged, and his hand held onto the other man with a strength he shouldn’t have been capable of anymore. His free hand pushed weakly against Barret’s chest and his glowing eyes looked around unfocused and confused. 

“Calm down, kid. I’m gonna help you both.” He said and tried for a comforting tone. It was hard not to feel bad for the two of them. They couldn’t be much older than Jessie. Though who knew with the Soldier freaks? For all he knew, they had come out of a test tube fully formed.

Barret tried to stand up, almost dislodging the grip the blond had on his friend, and then stumbled back as he got hit square in the jaw. A bony elbow connected with his face and it was the surprise more than anything that made him abort his motion and nearly drop the kid. The blond scrambled out of his hold despite Barret’s best efforts, and curled a hand around the hilt of the sword. He barely got it off the ground and braced it as a barrier between the two of them and Barret. His grip was firm, but his entire arm was trembling. It was like trying to approach a wounded stray back home. What did Wedge always babble about? Calm but assertive. 

Barret lifted both his hands - well, hand and gun. “Alright. Calm down.” He said softly. “I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to help. Put that sword down.” 

The blue eyes glazed over and the sword arm shook. He wasn’t sure if the kid could even see him. The blond’s friend groaned softly but otherwise didn’t move. 

“H...he-” The blond tried to say. Gods, how long had they been walking? His voice sounded dried out. Maybe it was all the dust in the air. 

“Yeah, hey. It’s gonna be okay, kid. How about some water, huh? Sound good, yeah?” The kid didn’t react. Maybe it had taken whatever strength he had to hold his sword protectively. 

Barret slowly got up and walked back to his truck to grab a water bottle. The kid barely moved as Barret walked away, but the sword slowly sank back into the ground as he was struggling to remain in an upright sitting position. 

When Barret approached the two with the water, the kid didn’t attempt to lift the sword again, which he took as a sign to attempt to take it from him. He gently pried the stiff fingers off the handle. The blond complied reluctantly, and Barret quickly put it out of reach. He didn’t think it was very likely that either of these two would attack him at this point, but he wasn’t going to take any chances with the likes of them. 

“Here, come on, drink something. You’ll feel better.” He said, holding out the opened bottle. Blondie fell forward, catching himself on his arms just before Barret shuffled forward. This time he didn’t fight him when he grabbed him and Barret managed to get his gun arm underneath the narrow back. The kid was all skin and bones, pliant in his weak hold, chest still heaving. “Alright, here comes the plane.” He muttered, and put the water bottle to the kids lips. He barely managed to get a couple gulps down the kids throat before he thrashed, coughing violently. Barret held him around the waist as he lurched forward to throw up. Most of it was brown sludge and saliva. 

“Okay, you are real messed up, alright.” Barret said and dragged a hand up and down the kid’s back while his thin frame was shaking and retching. He gave him a few minutes to calm down before he tried to get some water in him again. It was messy, with the kid barely conscious and shivering hard, but he didn’t throw up the second time around so Barret was going to count it as a win. 

He gently put Blondie down on the ground to repeat the process with his friend. He had been lying face down the entire time, completely out of it. When Barret turned him around he saw the shredded front of his uniform, riddled with bullet holes, hastily healed over but still covered in blood. Barret shook his head at the sight. 

“The fuck did you two get yourselves into?” He wondered aloud, distantly hoping for an answer. Neither of them replied. He got as much water into the other kid as he dared before lifting him up to carry him to the trunk bed. Even now, the blond kid had his hand wrapped around the other’s wrist, but the grip was weak. Neither of them weighed much of anything. Barret carefully put them down in the bed of truck, next to his illegal contraband and their stupid looking sword. The blond one blinked when he lifted him up, still holding onto consciousness somehow. At least the sun wasn’t going to fry them like eggs out here, now that the sun had disappeared behind Midgar. 

Barret carefully arranged his cargo around the two of them, shifting his boxes so they would obscure their frames underneath his tarp. Hopefully that would be enough. 

He looked at them before he covered them completely and shook his head at himself. Collecting two Soldiers off the middle of nowhere. That was a new fucking weird. 

Blue eyes met his, glowing in the shadow, and for the first time Barret thought Blondie was actually seeing him. It froze him in his tracks. He waited for a heartbeat or two for something - anything. Instead Blondie just kept staring. Eventually Barret dropped the tarp over them. 

What the fuck was he getting himself into? 


	2. Interrogation

Every breath was drinking glass shards. His chest couldn’t expand without causing him agony. 

Not long now, Zack thought. 

The rain, mud, and blood had soaked through his clothing, making them cling to his skin and yet he barely felt the cold. 

His sight was fluttering, barely seeing his feet drag through the mud. 

What? 

He tried to focus on his surroundings. It was difficult to block out the pain and regain his senses to get his bearings. He felt his arm around someone’s neck, a hard shoulder plate digging into his armpit, his feet stumbling and useless, and the sound of ragged breathing. 

“Cloud…?” His mouth was clumsy around the words. He wasn’t sure if he had actually said it or just thought it. 

“My… my tu- turn.” Cloud’s voice was impossibly quiet over the rain. He said it between ragged lungfuls of air. They stumbled and his center of gravity shifted. Pain. Blocking out his vision in a white hot spike. Zack wanted to form words, tell him to stop, to rest. How were they still moving? Cloud had been barely able to walk earlier. 

They fell. The last thing Zack heard before the pain became too much was Cloud’s pained grunt and the slide of the mud underneath them.

Wet mud, slick on his skin.

Floating. 

Black.

The rumble of a car underneath his back. Stifling heat. 

Panic. Cloud? He couldn’t feel him. Couldn’t see him. Zack’s limbs were lead and his eyes were blind. 

Gritty, dirty leather on his skin. 

There you are. 

The car stopped. When did it stop? 

“-ith me?” 

“Where do you… the he-” 

“-n’t move.” 

Something soft. Lights. Music. A smell, intense. Wet wood and old cooking oil. 

Floating.

Black. 

* * *

The first thing Zack became aware of was a twinge in his chest. It was a major improvement to the last time he felt any semblance of consciousness. A high pitched whine left his throat in lieu of an exhale. His eyes slowly focused. A wooden ceiling, dim light of a single desperate lightbulb hanging on by a shred of wiring on the wall, backlit with tiny streaks of evening sun. His head was lying on a soft pillow, there was no unforgiving ground digging into his tailbone. Underneath his fingers was a thin but worn soft blanket, draped over him. They were safe. Zack closed his eyes, body calling for more rest. 

_Wait_.

He shot up. “Cloud?” The adrenaline coursing through his veins made him ignore the sharp pain in his chest as he looked around the dim room. He clutched his torso reflexively, legs swinging over the side of the cot he was laying on. 

“Relax,” said a gruff voice, and in the corner of the room was a big burly looking man on a comically small stool. He was impossible to miss, yet Zack found himself surprised at his presence. He must have been really out of it. “Your friend’s over there.” The man pointed with a thumb over his shoulder, and - Zack took a second to realize that the man’s other hand was a giant gatling gun - sure enough, on a couch on the opposite end of the room was a familiar tuft of blond hair peeking out from underneath a blanket. 

The relief flooding him was dizzying. He let himself enjoy the brief moment of joy before he let himself assess their situation. The room they were in didn’t look like it could be a Shin-Ra outpost, but that didn’t say much. It seemed like a backroom of something. There were shelves filled with random liquor bottles, unmarked boxes, and glasses in varying sizes. His sword was resting against the wall right next to one of the shelves, and on the floor by it were their shoulder pads, belts, and shoes. Only now did he notice that he was only in his turtleneck and trousers, but he didn’t dwell on it. There were no windows, but the cracks in the warped wood paneling of the walls let little streaks of sunlight inside. Distant sounds of people talking and shouting came muffled through as if they were in the middle of a populated area. It smelled damp and greasy. 

Then he eyed the stranger. He didn’t look like a typical Shin-Ra guard or scientist. Scars and tattoos, not to mention the arm. The prosthetic was - rough was the best word to describe it - not something refined or made specifically to accommodate the man. He was obviously a fighter, a seasoned one at that. Zack was confident he could take him if need be, but he didn’t know what was beyond the door to the man’s back. Zack had just barely survived an army - he didn’t even know how he had done it - and he wasn’t exactly eager to try it again. 

He slowly got up and walked over to the couch Cloud was lying on. The man eyed him warily but didn’t attempt to stop him. It didn’t escape Zack’s notice, however, that this put the man between him and his sword, and more importantly, the only door out of this room. It wasn’t ideal, but he was going to have to deal with that. 

“Who the fuck are you? I already know you two are Soldiers so don’t try and lie to me.” The man said.

Zack tensed. He directed his gaze toward Cloud, sat down on the floor next to the couch, and gently pried the blanket away from his face. Still breathing. His eyes were slightly open, dim green glow shining through his eyelids. There was dirt and dried blood on his cheek. Zack’s blood, he remembered. How had they made it off the cliff? 

“My name’s Zack. Who are you?” He turned and asked. 

“I’m asking the questions here.” The man narrowed his eyes but Zack glared right back. 

Neither of them spoke, locked in a silent standoff.

The sound of a door opening broke the silence, making them both flinch. 

“Good morning! Barret? You up?” A female voice from outside the room shortly followed by the door behind the man opening. The light from the other room spilled in, a little bit brighter than he had expected, and Zack had to close his eyes for a second. 

“I’m in the middle of something.” Barret - apparently - said to the woman that had entered. 

Long dark hair, dressed in a crop top and a skirt, she was staring right at Zack. It took a few moments for him to recognize her without the hat.

“Tifa?” He exclaimed. 

She clasped her hand in front of her mouth, her eyes wide. “Zack?” 

“The hell, you know this punk?” Barret asked, agitated. 

“You’re alive? What about-” Tifa pushed past Barret into the room and her gaze fell onto “-Cloud.” She stepped forward, hand outreached but she pulled back, as if she were afraid to come too close. He felt the sudden need to apologize to her, but his throat locked up as her eyes became glassy. 

“Anyone mind telling me what’s going on?” Barret said, his gruff voice ended soft and it seemed to return the iron to Tifa’s spine. She straightened, and her eyes hardened without spilling over. She took a few steps back to close the door behind her before she sat down on Zack’s abandoned cot. 

She rang with her words for a minute. “We’ve met before. He saved my life.” She settled on eventually. Zack scratched the back of his head and lowered his gaze. 

“I wouldn’t say that.” 

“It’s been five years.” She told him sternly even though her voice shook, her eyes flickered to Cloud’s unresponsive form. “What happened?” 

“Yeah, I’d like to know that too.” Barret added. 

Zack looked between the two of them and hoisted himself up from the floor and onto the couch. He felt a bit better feeling Cloud pressed into his side. He tried to sort out his thoughts. He didn’t think Tifa would be working for Shin-Ra, but then he didn’t know her that well and it _had_ been five years. He dragged a hand across his face. Every time he remembered how much time he had lost in that tank- 

He looked at her and hoped he could read her right. If nothing else, he was certain she wouldn’t do anything to harm Cloud. That was the most important thing right now. Without being able to trust Barret, it was all he could cling to. He chose his words carefully. 

“You’re right. I was a Soldier. There’s no hiding that.” He grimaced, attempting a grin, and gestured vaguely in the direction of his face. “After Niblheim-” Tifa’s hands balled into fists but she stayed quiet. Barret threw her a look but didn’t comment. “Shin-Ra kept us locked up somewhere.” He put his hand on Cloud’s shoulder. “I only came to a few months back.” 

Tifa closed her eyes and took a measured breath. When she opened them again she was composed. “Has he been like this since?” 

“Yeah. He’s been getting better, though!” He added quickly for his own benefit as much as Tifa’s. Sometimes Cloud would squeeze his hand back or mumble, blink, that sort of thing. 

“Kid was dragging your ass across the wasteland when I found you.” Barret said, his arms crossed across his chest. 

Zack’s eyes went wide. “He did what?” He glanced back at Cloud, seeing if he reacted at all. Nothing but a slow rise and fall of his chest. “Really?” He asked, disbelieving. 

“Socked me right in the face for trying to pick him up.” 

Zack gaped. He couldn’t believe it. It seemed impossible. After months of barely anything from Cloud. He ruffled Cloud’s hair. “You aren’t just faking to mess with me are you?” Zack asked, half laughing. Cloud blinked sluggishly. 

Zack felt like crying as the memories choked him. The corners of his vision bled Mako green, the ache in his feet from running for months crawled up his legs like poison through his arteries, the palms of his hands blistering from heaving around the Buster Sword. Then he was back in the tiny room with no light. He turned his attention back to the room at large. 

“Are we in Midgar?” He asked, still reeling and fighting for composure. 

“Yes. Sector 7.” Tifa answered before Barret could. He gave her an exasperated look. At least the feeling of mistrust between him and Zack was mutual. “You said you only came to it a few months back.” Tifa added. “What do you mean? What- what did they do?” 

“I’m not sure.” He admitted and carefully brushed the hair out of Cloud’s face. “He wasn’t a Soldier but-” He said, as if it explained everything. The glow in Cloud’s eyes mirrored his own. It spoke for itself.

“Mako poisoning.” Barret said, thoughtful. 

“At the least.” Zack agreed. He didn’t want to know what else they had done to them while they hadn’t even been aware. Four years. He still couldn’t wrap his head around it. Five years in total. He was 23 now? Better not think about it too hard. 

“Why would they-” Tifa started, frustration in her voice. She stopped herself, instead opting to stand up and pace the room. 

“Sound’s like good old Shin-Ra, alright.” Barret said, bitter and jaded. Zack felt uncomfortable agreeing. It wasn’t quite the Shin-Ra he had known. Or that he had thought he knew. It was difficult to combine the two in his head. Until that day he had followed Shin-Ra. Justified their actions. Watched as they destroyed Angeal and Genisis and- 

Nothing made sense anymore. Months on the run had given Zack a lot of time to think about it all and yet he felt no closer to an answer. The only thing he knew for sure was that he was out of his depth. 

Tifa came to a stop facing the wall, wrapping her arms around herself. Her shoulders were tense. 

“Sephiroth.” She said. “What happened to him?” Her voice was carefully controlled and monotone. 

Zack wanted to feel some form of grief for his old friend and for what he had become, but all he could find was anger burning in his gut like flames. “I didn’t see it, but they said that Cloud killed him. I think that’s what made him interesting to them.” 

“I see.” Tifa said quietly. 

Barret looked between them and let the silent sit for a few moments. 

“Now that’s a real nice story you got there. But how exactly are we supposed to trust you won’t run back to your master like a good little dog?” He asked, bracing his elbows on his knees. It made the gun replacing his arm seem even more imposing. Tifa turned back to them. She didn’t interject, which told Zack that she was also still questioning his loyalties. 

Zack huffed and placed a hand on his chest. The fabric was ripped apart and underneath his flesh was tender with raised scar tissue. “The last time Shin-Ra saw me, they shot me. I don’t think they’d take me back even if I wanted to go.” 

Barret fixed him in a glare, trying to figure him out. Eventually, he huffed. “Guess we’ll see about that. You can stay. For now. But if I have any reason to doubt you-” Barret got up and pointed the gatling gun at him. “I’m a better shot than Shin-Ra grunts.” He said. 

Zack wasn’t about to let himself get intimidated by that. He held the gaze of the other man. “Sounds good to me.” 

Barret scowled. “Goddamn cocky Soldier asshole.” He muttered and left the room with heavy steps. 

Tifa gave him an apologetic smile, standing awkward in the middle of the room. She wrung her hands and began to follow Barret outside, but stopped right by the door. “Zack.” She met his gaze. “Thank you.” 

“What for? I think I should thank you. Doesn’t seem like Barret likes me very much.” He said, laughing softly. 

“Oh, Barret has a gruff exterior, but he is a good guy on the inside.” She said, smiling, and Zack felt inclined to believe her. He had always liked Tifa. There was something so earnest and _good_ about her, it was hard not to. “I meant to thank you for back then. And apologize. I blamed you and you were only trying to help-”

He lifted his hand to stop her. “Tifa, I get it. I’m partially to blame. I should have done something sooner.” Sephiroth had been holed up for days and Zack had just ignored it, thinking it would sort itself out. All of Niblheim had paid the price for his hubris. 

“If not for that, then for Cloud.” She said and looked past him at the figure still huddled on the couch. “I thought I would never see him again.” 

Zack didn’t quite know what to say. Tifa just smiled. “I’ll bring you something to eat and drink. You must be starving.” She said and disappeared behind the door, leaving them alone. 

He deflated, his body releasing a tension he didn’t know he had been holding. The exhaustion came flooding back into his drained body. 

He leaned down until his forehead rested on Cloud’s shoulder. 

“We made it.” Zack mumbled, almost half asleep already. He couldn’t believe it. That night on the cliffs, giving Cloud his sword, he thought that would be it. Somehow they had survived after all. Maybe now Shin-Ra thought they were dead, they would finally be safe. It was the best thought he had had all year. 

Underneath the blanket, Cloud’s fingers curled without his notice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU everyone for the wonderful comments! its been a while since I wrote for an active fandom. I hope you all liked it! This chapter was a struggle let me tell you, i rewrote it twice. I am very unsure when writing Zack. I really need to continue my Crisis Core playthrough. But let me know what you guys think! 
> 
> till next time!
> 
> also thanks to my wonderful beta Echoed-Music as always <3


	3. Breakfast at Seventh Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: This chapter contains descriptions of a panic attack

What the _fuck_ had he gotten himself into? 

Barret sighed heavily into his cup of coffee. It was early morning, the artificial light from the skylamps cast a soft light through the bar’s curtains. Outside, Sector 7 was already busy and loud, his constant background noise. Outside, everything was still normal. He took another scalding sip of coffee. The burn distracted him a little from the absurdity of it all. One-and-a-half Soldiers, supposedly former Shin-Ra, were somehow sleeping in his backroom. This was going to be trouble, Barret could feel it in his bones. 

He breathed deep, the smell of breakfast filling his nose. He debated whether or not he should head downstairs to look for Marlene, but she had wanted to dress herself today, independent lady that she was, so he decided against it. He just hoped the eggs wouldn’t get cold. 

Behind him he heard the gate of the bar swing and he glanced over his shoulder - was the bar this drafty again? Just last week they had fixed one of the bigger holes in the roof. 

Instead, the blonde Soldier boy stood by the bar, staring at him, shell-shocked. Barret flinched in surprise, spilling some coffee over his fingers. 

“Shit. Make some noise when you walk, would you?” Barret said, putting his cup down. 

Cloud didn’t move, but his eyes flickered between the door and Barret. 

“Your friend _Zack_ went out to run some errands. Should be back soon.” He put emphasis on the name, hoping it would put Cloud at ease a little bit. It worked, barely. After a moment of silence between them, Cloud nodded. 

At least he seemed more aware than the last time Barret had seen him walk around. The eerie glow of his Mako eyes flit around the room taking everything in. Eventually he walked forward tentatively, keeping Barret in his line of sight. Barret just watched him. He picked up his mug again to put on a picture of ease. Cloud made his way over to the window and pried back the corner of the curtain to peek outside. 

“My daughter will be up any minute, so you better be on your best behavior.” Barret warned him. Cloud looked at him, opened his mouth as if to speak but no words would come. His jaw clenched shut. He nodded again, instead. 

“Sit down. I’ll grab you a plate.” Barret said, motioning to the chairs on the opposite side of the table and got up to walk behind the bar. He hadn’t exactly expected to feed more people today, but it would have to do. Tifa had picked up Zack early in the morning, apparently he wanted to earn his keep by doing mercenary work and Tifa had some people to introduce him to. Barret wasn’t quite sure why she trusted him so quickly, whatever history laid between them must be significant. 

Tifa had spoken little about her hometown and what had happened there. Barret didn’t need to know the details - he could paint his own picture from Tifa’s few words. Nobody to go back to. Barret could relate. Both Tifa and Marlene flinched at fire. Zack had been there and seemingly trying to stop it, so maybe he wasn’t a complete bastard. Cloud was another matter. A childhood friend, Tifa had said later that first night. But whatever Cloud used to be, it was quite clear that he wasn’t the same anymore. 

Shin-Ra had carved him out and left him hollow. 

That was Barret’s theory, anyway. 

He grabbed a new plate, glass and cutlery, busying himself a little longer than necessary while Cloud peeled himself from the window and cautiously sat down at the table already set for two. 

He jumped when the pinball machine rattled to life, the elevator going down. It reminded Barret of Wedge’s cats. A full body flinch, his hair almost bristled, and his eyes fixed on the descending platform. Barret couldn’t help but smirk at it a little, hiding it quickly. He had to remind himself that whatever Cloud was appearing to be, he was still a Mako powered machine after Shin-Ra’s design. He couldn’t let his guard down around him. 

Especially not when his perfect little girl came up the elevator in her turquoise dress, her arms raised in presentation. 

“I’m done, daddy!” She exclaimed. Before Barret could praise her, she shrieked and ran behind Barret’s legs, out of Cloud’s view. Barret leaned down until Marlene could climb up his gun arm. She quickly did, up his arm until she could hug his neck. 

“It’s alright, honey. He’s one of the guests I mentioned. No need to be scared. His name is Cloud, and he will be very nice.” He said with a glare towards the man in question. 

“Oh.” Marlene said and tentatively raised her arm in a wave. Cloud seemed petrified at the attention. His body was a rigid tense line. Marlene lowered her hand again with a little confused whine, almost tried to hide behind Barret’s head. It seemed enough to break the spell and Cloud raised his hand, curling his fingers in a wave. 

Well, it was a start. It was enough to placate Marlene, at least. She straightened herself on his shoulder. 

It was going to be a long fucking morning. Barret walked back over to the table, letting Marlene down at her usual chair, next to Barret’s, and then set Cloud a place at the table.

“Dig in already.” He said, putting some scrambled eggs on everyone’s plates. 

Marlene clapped her hands. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” She told Cloud seriously, and half climbed over the table to grab a piece of toast that she voraciously tore into. 

It took a few minutes for Cloud to start eating. At first, Barret thought he might have been waiting for the others to eat first, just to check they weren’t poisoning him, but it became clear that his motor functions weren’t all there yet. He fumbled discreetly with the fork, a frown on his brow when his fingers wouldn’t move the way he wanted them to. Barret poured them all some water. 

Marlene mumbled something with a full mouth before she remembered her manners and took a careful time chewing and swallowing, before she attempted again. 

“Do you still have your tongue, Cloud?” She asked, and Barret nearly dropped the pitcher of water. 

“Sweetheart, why are you asking that?” He asked, setting the pitcher down. Long fucking morning, indeed. 

“Well, Mr. Murphy doesn’t talk either and they said Wutai cut his tongue out in the war, but I know that’s not true because Daddy said the Wutai are just people, and people wouldn’t do that, but did someone cut your tongue out?” She explained, taking a deep breath after she had gotten it all out. 

“Who told you that fu- fudging ridiculous story?” 

Marlene took her glass of water in both hands, took a long drink and shrugged. “Everyone at the playground was talking about it.” 

Barret shook his head. Which delinquents were out there telling lies to his daughter? 

Cloud blinked and for a moment Barret wasn’t even sure if Cloud himself knew. Something moved in his mouth and a moment later, he struck it out for Marlene to see. One tongue, undamaged. 

Marlene examined it with a critical eye. “Okay that’s good. I don’t know how you could eat without one.” 

The ghost of a smile stole itself on Cloud’s lips after his tongue disappeared behind them again. Before, back out in the wasteland, Cloud had seemed young. Now, sticking his tongue out to Marlene, his eyes tired but more alert, he seemed ancient. Barret wasn’t sure what to make of it. Maybe it was the Mako that was so obvious in his eyes. A side effect of the planet’s energy, a testament to it’s pain. 

Cloud noticed him staring and quickly reached for his water glass to hide his expression behind. 

Not just one of Shin-Ra’s monsters then, Barret thought begrudgingly. It would have been way easier if he was. 

Behind Cloud, the door to the bar opened, carrying a gust of wind alongside Tifa and Zack. They hesitated in the doorway, seeing Cloud up and about, and Barret gave them a nod in greeting. 

“Cloud! You’re up!” Zack came in, a smile as bright as the sun on his face. He strode forward in quick steps just as Marlene screamed in delight. 

“Tifa!” Marlene shouted, jumping from her seat to run at her. 

The glass in Cloud’s hand shattered. The water spilled over his hand and the table, but he didn’t even notice. His eyes were suddenly far away. Barret shot a look at Zack who had faltered, noticing the change in Cloud’s behavior as well. Tifa had been too distracted to catch Marlene in her arms. 

Blood started dripping down Cloud’s hand, the shards embedding themselves into his skin as he clenched his fist. He turned slowly around and his gaze met Tifa’s. 

Cloud recoiled instantly. He jumped from his seat, the chair falling over with a clatter and walked backwards until his back hit a wall, hands burrowing in his hair, uncaring of the blood he was smearing on his face. Zack immediately followed him. 

“Tifa, take Marlene outside.” Barret told her. Tifa looked disturbed and confused, but listened immediately. 

“What’s wrong?” He heard Marlene ask as the door shut behind them. 

Cloud slid down the wall, fingers gripping his hair that looked painful. The stark contrast of the red against his blond hair didn’t help. His mouth was moving as if he was saying something, but nothing would come out. 

Zack knelt down in front of him, hands carefully raised. “Cloud. It’s okay. I'm here. We’re okay.” He gently took Cloud’s wrist in his hand and pulled it away from his hair. Barret hurried to grab the first aid kit from behind the bar. 

“It’s okay, we’re safe now.” Zack repeated in a low voice like a mantra. “We made it to Midgar. It’s alright.” 

Cloud didn’t even appear to hear him. He looked at his bloody hand and squeezed his eyes shut. He let out a distressed noise, his head shaking violently as if he was trying to knock something loose in his head. 

Zack shuffled closer, wrapping an arm around Cloud’s shoulders and pulling him close against his chest, still keeping his injured hand immobile in his grip. Barret knelt down next to them, already flipping open the first aid kit, looking for tweezers.

“I’m okay, you’re okay.” Zack whispered into Cloud’s hair. When Barret began to dig the shards of glass out of his hand he didn’t even flinch. Zack watched him work, his thumb rubbing shooting circles into Cloud’s pulsepoint. He squeezed his eyes shut and let his head drop against Cloud’s. “I know. I know.” He muttered. “It’s Tifa.” This time Cloud flinched. “She’s okay. She missed you. It’s okay.” Cloud whined and curled further into himself. 

“Maybe shut up for a bit.” Barret said, his voice low. He focused on his task, tweezers moving quickly and steadily in his hand. It wasn’t his first time digging glass out of flesh, it wouldn’t be the last. A good thing too, he thought, as he noticed that the bleeding was stopping quickly and he could swear he could see the skin already beginning to knit itself back together. Freaky Soldier boys. 

It took a while for Cloud to calm down enough for Zack to take him back to their room. 

* * *

It was getting colder. Barret idly watched the people mill about, passing in front of the bar, some acknowledging his presence on the porch with a passing greeting. Always hard to tell the changing of seasons in the slums of Midgar without a free sky above their heads or air free of smog. Merely the breeze sneaking through the steel of their prison carried the oncoming whisper of autumn. 

Maybe he was getting a little dramatic this fine morning. He blamed it on his recent company. 

Speaking of the devil, the front door of the bar creaked open and Zack walked into his field of view. 

He looked straight ahead, not noticing Barret’s sideways glance. He wondered what the ex-Soldier was seeing when he looked at the people down here in the dirt. The Sector 7 slums always reminded Barret of home, but for once, not in a painful way. Sitting outside the bar during any given time of day, one could see hardworking honest people going about their business. None of them were content, but they were happy living in a community of people just as poor off as them. There was comfort in that solidarity. Did Zack see himself as one of them? Or was the Shin-Ra brand of self-importance ingrained in his bones? 

“Sorry. About today.” He said, breaking Barret out of his thoughts. “I should have been there when he woke up.” 

Barret hummed, at a loss at what to say for a moment. 

“Did he calm down?” 

“He fell asleep. I think. Hard to tell.” Zack dragged a hand across his face and sat down at the table, one chair between him and Barret. 

“You see that kinda shit a lot down here.” Barret said quietly. A group of children ran past the bar laughing and screaming. “Lots of vets. Left to rot when they weren’t useful to Shin-Ra anymore.” 

Zack took a deep breath, one hand ghosting over his chest before he even noticed his own gesture. He dropped his hand into his lap when he did. “Yeah. Sounds familiar.” He said, something bitter and jaded in his tone. Maybe Barret could find something to like about him after all. Before either of them could say anything else they were interrupted.

“Morning, Boss!” Jessie’s voice shouted from afar, followed shortly after by her thundering footsteps up the rackety stairs or the bar’s porch. Behind her, at a more leisurely pace, was Wedge giving them a wave in greeting. 

“Oh, you’re the new guy!” She said as she came up to them. “Nice to finally meet you while you’re awake.” Jessie told Zack with a wink. 

“Err. Thanks?” Zack replied with a confused smile. “I’m Zack.” 

“Jessie. And I heard you already met this wonderful gentleman earlier today.” She pulled Wedge next to her with an arm around his shoulders and patted his belly. 

“Sup, bro.” Wedge said, also winking. 

“How’s Blondie? He up and about yet?” Jessie interjected.

“Not quite.”

Jessie pouted. “Too bad. I hope he gets better soon!” 

“Me too.” Zack said with a pressed smile.

“So, you’re here to help the cause?” 

“Jessie.” Barret said with a warning, immediately catching her attention. “Work’s waiting for you downstairs.” He fixed her in a glare. 

Jessie extracted herself from Wedge’s side, stood up straight and gave him a mock salute. “Duty calls. See you later, Zack.” At least she got the hint, Barret thought as he watched her saunter inside. 

Wedge sat down at the table, right in between both of them. “So, what have you guys been up to?” 

Barret shrugged, leaning back in his seat. 

“Hey, Wedge.” Zack started, staring intently at the table, obviously thinking hard. “Tifa mentioned you’re well connected here.” 

Wedge considered his words. “I guess you could say that, yeah. Why? You need something?” 

Zack hesitated, his hand resting on top of the table curling into a fist. “Yeah. Do you know a doctor around here?” It seemed to pain him to say it. Barret kept silent. 

Wedge blew air out of his mouth, eyes going from side to side. “Think so. What do you need a doctor for?” 

“Not for me.” 

“Oh. Ohh I get it. Okay.” Wedge said and bit his lip. “Thing is, I only know the one.”

“I only need one. Preferably one not connected to Shin-Ra.” 

“Yeah, man. I figured. Thing is not sure if this guy is much better? Like choosing between two devils, you know?” Wedge said, apologetic. “Biggs knows a couple more people from the other Sectors. But I don’t know when he’s gonna be back.” He said, looking at Barret. They both knew that Biggs was busy trying to find them a way into and around Reactor 1. And Biggs was nothing if not thorough. They didn't expect him back for a couple of days at least.

Zack’s head turned slightly to the bar behind them. “It’s been long enough.” He said, his leg bouncing up and down in a nervous tick. 

“Well, there is the one guy in Wall Market but he’s-” Wedge hesitated. “Don Corneo’s.” He leaned forward to whisper the name. Barret tensed at the words. 

Zack drew a blank, remaining silent. 

“You don’t know who Don Corneo is?” Wedge asked, bewildered. He forgot all attempts at secrecy. 

Zack pulled a gimace. “I think I’ve heard the name before, but it’s been years.” He shrugged.

“He’s the crime lord of Wall Market, practically everyone there is in his pocket.” Wedge explained. 

“But he’s not Shin-Ra?” 

Wedge shrugged. “Hard to tell, but his people definitely aren’t. Lot’s of us visit this guy in emergencies. He’s got the best equipment in the slums, you know? He’s not cheap though.” That was an understatement, Barret thought with grit teeth. People in the slums tended not to seek medical advice unless absolutely necessary. Barret’s right arm throbbed with phantom pain for an instant. There were a few Shin-Ra ran clinics that asked for little gil, their price was something more steep however. Two guys showing up with Mako eyes certainly would raise some suspicion. 

Zack nodded, deep in thought. “I’ll figure something out. Tell me where he is?”

“I’ll take you two.” Barret said, making both Wedge and Zack look at him. 

“I wasn’t asking.” Zack told him, his jaw set in a stubborn line. 

“Neither was I.” Barret lifted his chin. 

They glared at each other, Wedge shuffling uncomfortably between them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your comments! I am so glad you are all enjoying this ride! I hope you'll continue to like it! Cloud's awake yay! And Marlene is here. It is so difficult to write children. 
> 
> Let me know what you all think! 
> 
> Extra thanks to my beta as usual, who is not in this fandom but braving my ramblings regardless.


	4. Doctor Doctor Spare Me The News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes the following content warnings:  
> \- allusions to torture  
> \- allusion to non consensual medical procedures  
> \- general medical malpractise
> 
> If this is not content you want to or can engage with, I'm including a bulletpoint list of the most important plot beats down below. It should be safe to read until the first horizontal line.

“I know it’s not much,” Tifa said from the doorway. Even without looking at her, Zack knew she was wringing her hands. He looked around the small apartment. A bed, a sink, two small sections for shower and toilet, one window next to the door. It was smaller than the quarters he had lived in as a Soldier and much more run down. But after a year of sleeping out in nature, on the ground, or in abandoned houses, all he cared about was that he wasn’t exposed to the elements. He almost said that he had slept in worse places but stopped himself at the last moment. Tifa would only worry, even if she couldn’t change the past. 

“It’ll do.” He said, putting his hands on his hips and turning around. 

Tifa gave him a small smile. “You don’t have to worry about rent, at least for a while. The owner is a friend of- she’s a friend.” 

Zack ignored her suspicious pause. 

“Appreciate it. Really.” He told her in earnest. “It’ll be good.”

“I live right next door in case you guys ever need anything.” Tifa said, taking tentative steps inside, still wringing her hands. She pulled the door closed as she went. Zack watched her as she struggled to put her thoughts into words. He sat down on the bed, the mattress was thin and soft. “How is he?” She asked, finally.

Cloud hadn’t left their little room in the back of the bar since his outburst the other morning. Probably because he had slept through most of it. 

“He’s doing okay.” He said, hoping to reassure himself as well as her. Cloud _was_ doing better - much better than he had been in months. It was Zack’s own impatience that made his progress seem slow. In the beginning, Cloud hadn’t even eaten on his own, much less walk around having a meltdown for unknown reasons. Or maybe Cloud was getting worse and this was just the calm before the storm. Who knew what had been done to them- Zack himself barely remembered anything. 

Hopefully the doctor would be able to tell them more. 

“Good. That’s good.” Tifa said, walking over to the small sink in the corner and looking into the mirror above it. “Do you know what set him off yesterday?” She asked quietly, carefully. She didn’t meet her own eyes in the mirror, fussing with her hair instead. 

Zack dragged a hand through his hair and let it settle on the back of his neck. He still wasn’t sure what had happened. He should have been there when Cloud had woken up, he must have been so confused and scared. Maybe they had startled him coming in, maybe seeing Tifa had reminded him of Nibelheim, maybe seeing Zack had done that? Maybe all the Mako in his veins had made him paranoid. 

“Not sure,” He said and forced himself to sound nonchalant. “I don’t think Cloud even really knew.” Cloud definitely hadn’t told him what it had been. “But it’ll be fine. We just gotta be patient with him.” If the past months had taught him anything, they had taught him patience. Caring for someone in that state had taken more strength than physically carrying him across the continent. All the days and nights talking to no one, providing food and shelter for two, making sure the other ate and was taken care of. Zack had done it gladly, and would do it again. But. He was also. So. Tired. Seeing Cloud up and about without his help, he had almost wanted to cry in relief, only to have that ruined. Zack had hoped, foolishly, that getting to Midgar would be the end to all their problems. Of course it hadn’t been that simple.

Tifa nodded and turned around. She leaned back against the sink, crossing her arms loosely in front of herself. “You both have been through a lot.” 

Zack looked at her, surprised. He wasn’t sure how to respond.

“So have you,” He settled on eventually. Her home had destroyed and burned to the ground and everyone she knew had been killed. Zack didn’t even want to imagine what it must have been like for her. 

“I’ve had some time. It’s- it’s not as bad as it used to be.” Tifa said. “The people here helped a lot.” She smiled. Zack had seen her with Barret and the other people of the slums. She had found a new home here with good people and he hoped he would find the same. Tifa had five years of hindsight on him, after all. And there still was one person waiting here in the city for him. Hopefully. Aerith. Zack desperately wanted to see her, tell her that he was alright, apologize and explain. Then he remembered it had been five years for Aerith even if it hadn’t been for him and he hesitated. Tifa had moved on after the tragedy. Had Aerith moved on from a boyfriend missing in action? He shook his head against the thought. There was no use thinking about that now. 

“It’ll be good to have a quiet place. More quiet than the bar, at least.” He said with a sheepish grin.

Tifa chuckled softly. 

  
  


* * *

_The heat is sweltering, oppressive. A weight pressing down on his chest made it hard to breathe. It’s inside him. He’s burning. His eyes are looking directly into the sun._

_“Well?” A voice, male and coarse. Bored._

_“His enhancements are burning through the cells. They’re detecting it as an infection.” A second voice. Female._

_Two blurry white shapes eclipsing the sun. Every breath is liquid fire._

_“Disappointing.”_

_“How would you like to proceed?”_

_“Let’s see.”, A rustle of paper. Somewhere far away, a whimper. His skin is wet with sweat. “Ah, appendix. Prep him for surgery, then double the dosage again. A shock to his system might do the trick.”_

_Zack doesn’t understand what it means. Someone is missing. He thinks. His head turns, skin meeting a drenched pillow but he sees nothing._

_The sun darkens and one of the blurry shapes grows in size._

_“You are beginning to bore me.”_

_It disappears, and with it, the voice._

_Somewhere, someone screams._

  
  


Zack’s eyes blinked open into darkness. The searing heat from his insides was replaced with the oppressive warmth of the tiny apartment. His heart was racing, boiling hot tears spilling from the corners of his eyes, and shaking fingers searched his torso underneath the blankets. He flinched when the tips of his fingers connected with neat scar tissue- just above his hip bone. 

He forced his lips together against a shaky exhale. Not a dream then, a memory. He lifted his shaky hands to his face and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. 

A cold hand touched his shoulder. He flinched away on instinct, only to realize it was Cloud. Mako glowing eyes visible in the darkness, looking at him with a detached concern. 

“Hey-” He cleared his throat, trying to stop his voice from shaking. “Sorry. Did I wake you?” 

Cloud gave a lazy blink. “I’m fine. Just a dream. I think. I don’t remember, haha.” He didn’t even know if Cloud understood him, but his expression seemed to say that he didn’t believe him. “I’m going to open the door for a bit, yeah? Go back to sleep.” He said, and got up. 

The air outside was cooler. He stepped onto the porch, hands braced on the railing and breathed. The slums were still busy, even at this time of night, but nobody seemed to care about the lone figure standing shirtless outside. In the distance he could hear the bustle of Seventh Heaven, familiar now after days spent there. The clucking of chickens, two cats fighting somewhere. His hands still shook. The scar on his abdomen pulsed. He still felt too hot, burning up, like he had never stopped, and just hadn’t noticed until this moment. For months, he had slept without a single dream. He couldn’t remember sleeping anything but soundly while they had been on the run. Sure, he had only gotten a few hours at a time, but those few hours he had been _out_. He should be over this by now, Zack thought. Over a year was enough time to get over being almost killed by his friend and being experimented on by his former employer and having to rescue his nearly comatose friend and dragging him across the continent for months while running from former colleagues. 

Cloud’s ice cold hand settled on his back, right between his shoulder blades. Zack twitched but didn’t flinch away. He hung his head, letting the cold spread over his heated skin and let it ground him. 

They weren’t in Nibelheim. That was behind them. They made it to Midgar, they were safe, and tomorrow Cloud was going to see a doctor and be okay. Everything was going to be fine. 

* * *

He realized quickly that Cloud had good days and bad days. On good days he was more alert, more present. Not what Zack would call his old level of energy, but a vast improvement on anything proceeding. The day they had “moved out” of the bar, Cloud had even waved timidly at Tifa, eaten by himself, looked around, and reacted when talked to.

Today was more of a bad day. It reminded Zack too much of their days on the run. At least this time around Cloud was walking on his own, but that was a rather low standard. 

“Hey, buddy.” He said, kneeling in front of Cloud who sat on the bed with his hands folded in his lap. He tried to find Cloud’s gaze, but today it was a blank stare. Zack blew out a breath and decided to sit down next to Cloud. “We’re going to take a trip today.” He said, gently nudging his shoulder against Cloud’s. 

“I know how this sounds, but we’re going to see a doctor today.” He saw the slightest twitch of muscle. “I know- I know!” Zack dragged a hand through his hair. “I’m not going to leave your side, okay? Nothing bad is going to happen. I just- we need to make sure you’re going to be okay.” He put one arm around Cloud’s shoulders and leaned his head against Cloud’s. “Barret’s gonna be there too.” He added, a little reluctantly. Zack wasn’t particularly happy about Barret inserting himself into this situation, but from a practical point of view, it was probably better to have someone with a giant gun arm on their side. Plus, Barret seemed to have had previous dealings with the guy. All the more reason to have him along. Didn’t mean Zack had to like it. “It’ll be over quick, okay?” 

Cloud only stared ahead, blinking. Zack took a deep breath, bracing himself for the day.

“Okay, let’s go.” He said. 

By the time they made it to the train station, Barret was already waiting, speaking with Jessie. Even this early, Sector 7 slum station was bustling with people. There were men and women in suits talking on cell phones, teenagers listening to music on their headphones, and nobody paid them any mind. It was easy to see why Barret had suggested this mode of traveling between Sectors. It was easy to disappear in such a crowd. As they made their way through the bustle, Zack caught the end of the conversation Jessie and Barret were engrossed in.

“-need to wait for Biggs and we’re ready to go.” Jessie said before quickly turning her attention to them and waving enthusiastically. 

“Took your sweet time.” Barred said, his big arms crossed over his chest and his perpetual frown under his sunglasses. 

“The train isn’t even here yet.” Zack huffed, gesturing to the empty track. 

Barret was poised to say something, but before he could, Jessie was waving a pair of ID cards into Zack’s face. 

“Here you go.” She said. When he went to grab them, she pulled them away.

“I do require payment.” Jessie told Zack sternly, dragging his attention back to her. She held the cards out of his reach and turned her face to the side. One of her fingers tapped her cheek. 

Zack chuckled, pressing a peck to her cheekbone.

Jessie swooned dramatically, one hand flying to her chest. “Would you look at that! Paid in full. My new favorite customer.” She said smiling and held out the two ID cards. “I will need those back though,” She added quickly. Her eyes flickered over to Barret quickly. 

“Sure, we should only need them for today.” Zack told her. The pictures on the IDs definitely didn’t look like them, but everyone had assured him they would work. Train security was done by a computer that was more easily tricked than armed Shin-Ra guards, which was another reason why this was the preferred mode of transportation. 

“Well, have fun!” Jessie said. She gave Cloud a bright smile that faltered slightly at his blank stare. She winked at them and left them at the train station with a skip in her step. Barret shook his head at her as Zack stuffed the ID cards into his pocket. From afar they could hear the whistle of the train approaching. 

Barret uncrossedhis arms and took off his sunglasses. His eyes fixed on the train slowly rolling into the station as he gently tapped Cloud’s shoulder with them. “Put those on him.” He told Zack. 

Zack frowned. “Why?” Around them the people shuffled closer toward the rails, impatient energy driving them. 

Barret squinted at him. “The fuck do you think? You can keep your eyes on the ground, he can’t.” He said and then pushed the glasses into Zack’s hands. The train came to a stop, the doors sliding open and people piled in. 

Zack huffed, feeling a little ridiculous for his own attitude. Maybe he felt a little on edge this morning. He took the sunglasses and slipped them carefully onto Cloud’s face. They looked a little ridiculous, slightly too big for his face, but it did hide the glow. 

“Let’s go.” 

* * *

“It’s in here.” Barret said as they stopped in front of an unassuming door. Zack looked up at the building attached to it. As most of the others lining the tiny alley, this one was several stories, most of them looking like mismatched late additions with different paints and windows. There was no sign or writing anywhere that would mark it as a doctors office. 

Barret pushed the door open and let them enter first. Inside, the dim light from the alley seemed to disappear completely, replaced by harsh fluorescences. The room was small, only a few chairs lined the wall and a woman sitting behind a desk with two doors at her back. She was unassuming. Brown hair, dark eyes, about Jessie’s stature, maybe less muscular, and wearing a simple blouse. The woman looked up from a computer terminal. She eyed each of them critically, not even bothering to hide it.

“New patients pay 2000 gil up front.” She said before her eyes slid back to her screen, fingers tapping on the keyboard. Zack felt his heart jump in his throat. That was a lot more than he had anticipated. He expected it to be expensive, yes, but this was ridiculous. 

“We are not new. I’m a repeat customer.” Barret told her sternly, stepping forward up to her desk. She looked up at him and her eyes flickered to his arm, then over to Zack and Cloud standing behind him. “You know I’m good for it.” He added. 

That seemed to crack her facade a little and she sighed. “1000 gil.” She said. Zack went for his wallet. That was everything he had saved up. Before he could get it out however, Barret had already slammed the amount down. “And 200 just for me being so generous.” She added, looking at Barret. He huffed and glared at her. Before he could say anything Zack managed to get the rest of the money out and put it down. The woman took it quickly and it disappeared somewhere under the desk. 

She picked up a phone from the desk and pressed a button. “New appointment for you, doctor.” A moment later she hung up again. Then she pointed to the door to her right. 

“Pleasure doing business with you.” She said and turned away from them, dismissing them. 

Barret huffed and mentioned for Zack to go first. 

Behind the door, the light was harsher- or maybe it only appeared so because the room was painted stark white. Machinery and closets filled the room, all in bright wood reflecting the lights overhead. In between it all sat an older man on a chair with blonde hair, greying at the temples. 

“Come on in, shut the door behind you.” He said, pushing his chair back with his feet. It rolled across the floor silently. “Ah, arm giving you trouble again?” He asked when he spotted Barret. “I never forget a face.” The doctor said, tapping his temple with a grin. His voice was grating on Zack’s nerves. 

“We’re here for him, actually.” Zack said and gently herded Cloud forward. 

The doctor lifted his eyebrows then pulled out a stool and put it in front of him. “Sit down then.” He said. 

Cloud did. 

The doctor stared at them, then at Cloud, waiting. Eventually he clicked his tongue and took the sunglasses off of Cloud, holding them out towards Zack dismissively. “Well, well. What do we have here.” He said, suddenly intrigued. 

“Mako poisoning. At least.” 

“You can say that again.” The doctor said. He took Cloud’s face in his hands, pulling at the skin to get a better look at his eyes. “Severe case by the looks of it. And why are you here?” 

“Just..check him over.” Zack said. The doctor didn’t seem impressed with that statement. He rolled his eyes and sighed. 

“How long since the exposure?” He asked eventually. 

“A couple of months. Close to a year.” Zack said.

The doctor hummed and snapped his fingers in front of Cloud’s face. He flinched back marginally. “Interesting.” He grabbed a pen light from one of the rolling desks at his side and flashed it in Cloud’s eyes. Next he grabbed a tongue suppressor. “Open your mouth.” He said before sticking the stick in Cloud’s mouth and shone the light inside. The doctor frowned. 

“Has he had dental surgery?”

“I don’t think so? Why?” Zack raked his memory but couldn’t recall Cloud ever mentioning something like that. His eyes unfocused for a moment. 

_“Let’s test the regeneration then.”_

Zack shook his head. “Sorry, what did you say?” The doctor raised an eyebrow at him and Zack could feel Barret’s stare in his neck.

“I didn’t say anything. There is significant scarring. I’ve seen it before on amateur dentistry adventures from other patients. Hence my interest.” 

“No, nothing like that.” 

The doctor shrugged and moved on, checking Cloud’s ears and taking his temperature. “A little warmer than normal but that is to be expected.” He said as he took the stethoscope from around his neck. “Shirt up.” He demanded. When Cloud didn’t comply, he did it himself. Zack had to stop himself from stepping forward and decking the guy, instead choosing to ball his hands into fists. The bedside manner could use some work, but that seemed to be the price for secrecy. 

The doctor listened intently at Cloud’s chest for a few moments before repeating the same process at his back. The doctor paused at the giant scar running parallel to Cloud’s spine that Zack looked away from. 

“Lungs sound clear, that’s good. Is he usually up and walking around?” The doctor asked and returned to his chair, wheeling over to a cupboard and rummaging through it, rather than walk the short distance. 

“He’s been having on and off days. He seems to be getting better.” Zack said. The doctor paused to throw him a glance. It was almost pitying. 

“I’ve seen a lot of Mako overdoses around here.” He started, collecting something from the cupboard and wheeling back over to them. “The thing about Mako is that it takes over the synapses in your brain. That’s what makes it so popular, you see. It numbs it all.” He explained and unpacked something. Only when he took Cloud’s arm did Zack notice it was a needle. 

“Hey what are you doing?” He asked, stepping forward this time. The doctor didn’t even look at him. 

“I need a blood sample. How else am I going to tell you how bad your friend is?” He said, nonchalant. “Where was I? Ah yes. See but the thing about Mako is, it acts like electricity. Our brains function with electricity. So the Mako will make our brains function, without actually making it do anything it is supposed to do.” He said and filled up two vials with Cloud’s blood. “That’s why the most severe cases are brain dead. Nobody is home anymore. But that’s not the only thing it can do. I’ve seen patients dancing around, their next of kin convinced they were fine but up here-” the doctor tapped his temple. “- all gone.” 

“What are you saying?” Zack asked, dread settling in his stomach. 

“Turn off the lights, would you?” The doctor looked past Zack at Barret standing by the door, who reluctantly hit the lightswitch next to it. 

In the sudden darkness of the room, the two vials of blood glowed. “Fascinating, isn’t it?” The doctor said with glee. Barret turned the lights back on. 

“I’m telling you this because Mako makes things complicated.” The doctor said, putting the vials down on a nearby desk. 

“It’s hard to determine your friend’s condition without further examination.” He said, rolling back.

Zack looked at him expectantly. “Okay? Do that then.” 

“Alright. You can pick him up tomorrow, by then I should be done with everything.” The doctor said, clapping his hands. 

“I’m not leaving him alone here.” 

The doctor gave a long suffering sigh. “Listen, he needs at least a brain scan. Something I can’t do here. I have my connections at the hospital. Completely under the radar but I can’t exactly walk in there with an entourage. You leave him here, I will run some tests overnight, tomorrow I can tell you more.”

At his back, Zack heard Barret step closer. “Not happening. I’m going with or not at all.” 

The doctor’s gaze shifted. He shrugged. “Well, if you don’t care. Fine by me. You know, when he deteriorates further, you can always give him to the Honey Bee Inn. I’m sure they could find use for a dollface like him even when the lights are off.” 

Zack didn’t remember moving. He just felt his fist connect with the doctor’s face, throwing him off his fucking ass and making him spill onto the ground, taking some of his instruments off a nearby table. 

The door opened and clashed against the wall. In the doorway stood the woman from the front room armed with a gun that Zack recognized. Infantry equipment. Old and repurposed. Of course Shin-Ra sold to the slums. She trained the gun at them both, Barret stood directly by Cloud’s side. “Is there a problem?” She asked. 

The doctor got up slowly, brushing dust off his clothes. “No, thank you, dear. These fine gentlemen were just leaving.” He said, all too pleasant. 

Zack restrained his anger and got Cloud out of his seat. 

“The offer stands. But next time the price is double.” The doctor told them as they walked out. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Zack was fuming as he pushed Cloud past Barret and the receptionist out of the building. He was peripherally aware of Barret covering their backs as he stomped out of Sector 6 on memory. The booths and stragglers of the day passed in a flurry, as Zack pushed on to put as much distance between themselves and that wretched place. 

“Slow down a bit, would you.” Barret’s voice barely registered. 

Zack led Cloud along, one hand on his back only to notice that his shirt was soaked through. He stopped, taking Cloud’s wrist. His skin was cool and they knew he didn’t have a fever so what-

Fear sweat. Zack realized suddenly. He came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the road, rage puffing into nothing. He closed his eyes against the guilt trying to crush him then he pulled Cloud into a hug, arms slinging around his shoulders and fingers tightening in the back of his shirt. 

“I’m sorry.” He said. In his arms, Cloud was shaking slightly. “We are never doing that again.” 

What a mess. What had he been thinking? Zack let go of Cloud. He had never felt more at a loss. He had thought getting to Midgar had been the difficult part and as soon as he was back home it would be easier. Home turf and all. But the longer he was here the more foreign his home town seemed to him. Below the plates was a world he had only barely been privy to in all his years living and working in Midgar, and now that was coming back to bite him. It dawned on him how alone he was. His parents were miles away in some backwater town and probably thought he was dead. His former employer and ruler of half of the world had actively tried to kill him and possibly done worse to him before that. All of Zack’s friends were connected to Shin-Ra save for one. 

Aerith. Gods, he hadn’t thought of her in weeks. Her absence was a physical thing weighing down on him. 

He had nothing. He had come to Midgar with nothing but a half baked plan and a lot of optimism, neither of which was worth shit as it turned out. 

“You need to calm down.” Barret’s low voice cut through his thoughts and everything around them snapped back into focus. Behind them the distant noise of Sector 6, around them the groaning of the scrapyard in the slight breeze. “Catch.” Barret said and tossed him something. Zack only caught it on instinct.

In his hand were the two vials of blood the doctor had taken. 

Zack looked up at Barret with shock. He hadn’t even gotten around to worrying about that among everything else. 

“There. All good. Now let’s get out of here.” Barret said, his voice gruff but gentle. He pushed past him and walked back towards Sector 5.

Zack closed his hand around the vials and took a deep breath. Maybe they weren’t completely alone yet. He put the vials into his pocket and zipped it shut. 

“Sorry for wasting everyone’s time today.” He said, his shoulder pressing against Cloud’s. 

“I warned you.” Barret said but his tone wasn’t cruel. Almost apologetic. 

“Yeah, well. I’m a dumbass who never learns.” Zack said, putting his hands in his hips and kicking the dirt. Angeal would be giving him a lecture right about now. Maybe he was from the Lifestream and Zack just mercifully couldn’t hear it. 

Barret hummed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I wouldn’t go that far. Dumbass, yeah. But I’m sure you can learn.” 

Zack gave a short laugh and Barret gave him a quick grin before his face morphed back into his default facade of annoyance. “Let’s get back home. Long train ride ahead.” He said, moving up ahead. 

Zack and Cloud followed only for a few steps before Zack was struck with an idea. 

“Actually, Barret. I think there is something I would like to do before we head back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot summary for those that want to skip this chapter: 
> 
> \- Tifa shows Zack Marle's apartment that she has organised for him and Cloud and they talk about the past  
> \- Zack has a nightmare about their captivity under Hojo and Cloud comforts him  
> \- They make their way to the Doctor in Wall Market  
> \- The Doctor acts shady which eventually comes to a head when Zack refuses to leave Cloud there alone over night  
> \- They leave after a confrontation without having gotten many answers  
> \- Zack and Barret have a conversation where they seem to finally be seeing eye to eye a little and Zack mentions there is something he wants to do in Sector 5 before they leave
> 
> This chapter is a bit longer than usual but I doubt you all will be upset by that ;) Many thanks to everyone's wonderful comments! You all brighten my day. I am trying to keep a one chapter a month schedule just so I have enough to time finish chapters and for my Beta to have enough time to edit, just so you all can anticipate when I'll be posting. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! It was very fun to write and that Doctor scene was one of the first I had in mind when I started this fic! 
> 
> Many thanks as always to my lovely Beta Echoed-Music <3


	5. Lily of the Valley

“Last train leaves an hour after lights off.” Barret told them sternly, planting himself on one of the benches by the traintracks. 

“You don’t have to wait, I’ll find my own way back.” Zack replied, exasperated. Barret fixed him with a glance before leaning back on the bench, completely taking it over. Zack threw his hands in the air, took Cloud’s hand, and walked away.

He was confident that he could find his way to the church in his sleep - even if it had been years and Sector 5 had changed considerably. Someone - probably Shin-Ra, he mused - had put up a chain link fence to cut off the way to the scrapyard, but it had an opening cut through in a convenient spot for easy traveling. 

The path toward the church had always been lined with scrap metal and garbage, but the piles had grown since last time. Hardy grasses and weeds were attempting to sprout and grow from every metal crevice. Most of them were already wilted and dried, but it surprised him to see any plants attempting to grow out here. Maybe Aerith had taken his advice to heart and had tried to grow them. Midgar full of flowers, Zack thought with a smile. Hopefully the flowers inside the church were still alive and well, and in a perfect world they would set foot into the church and see Aerith sitting there by the flowers. 

But for all Zack knew, Aerith had left Midgar long ago.

Maybe she was dead. 

He shook his head against the thought. 

The church appeared like a beacon over a towering mountain of metal. It’s architecture was foreign to the surrounding ruins and Zack couldn’t help but wonder when and why it had been built, to seem so out of place. Still, it was a welcome sight. 

“Come on,” He urged Cloud along, falling into a light jog. Cloud followed at a slower pace. 

The church didn’t appear any more (or any less) abandoned than it had five years ago. The stone steps were covered in sand, yellow grass was sprouting from the cracks in the ground, and the giant doors were closed. He hesitated. Zack was used to disappointment, or at least he had gotten used to disappointment in recent  months years. Actually seeing Aerith here was unlikely, even if she was still in Midgar. It was in the middle of a random day, she had to have things to do other than sit in the church and wait for him to randomly appear. Which was fine. He would never have expected her to wait, given the circumstances, or in general. His heart, however, wouldn’t listen to reason, foolishly hoping for fate to line up just right. What if she was here? What if she wasn’t? 

It would be good just to see the place again, Zack told himself. Steeling himself. He took a deep breath as he ascended the stairs, trying to keep his mind blank. It was just a building, and if he happened to run into Aerith, that would be great but if not-

Well, then they wouldn’t keep Barret waiting for long, at least. 

“Let’s go.” He said to Cloud, who had come up the stairs behind him, and pushed the doors open. 

The church, unlike the rest of the Sector, seemed unchanged. The light falling in from the roof hit the patch of flowers directly as if planned, making the yellow petals glow gold in the artificial light. Someone had pushed the pews aside, the door in the back stood open, but every crack and every hole in the walls, every smashed windowpane was familiar. Their steps echoed slightly in the high room, wood creaking beneath their feet. 

They were alone. Zack ignored the hollow feeling in his chest at the realization. Of course they were alone. He turned to Cloud with a smile plastered on. 

“I used to come here all the time.” He told Cloud, and watched him as they moved further inside. 

Aerith had always claimed that this place had a certain power. Zack had eventually wondered if that power had just been her own presence as an Ancient, but today, without her here, he could see what she meant. 

Cloud’s eyes seemed to clear, he blinked and looked around, more aware than he had seen him in months. He walked forward, passing Zack. His fingers hovering just shy of touching the pillars holding the roof, examining his surroundings in awe. It was the most animation he had shown all day, it seemed that all the tension had been left at the threshold. 

The flowers were flourishing. Had the patch of earth expanded? It was hard to tell, but to Zack it seemed that way. Maybe they had just outgrown their confinement, there were lonesome buds peeking out between loose floorboards all over the ground. They had been taken care of, as far as he could tell. A good sign, that meant that Aerith likely was still around. Maybe they had just missed her. Perhaps it was for the best, Zack told himself. If Tseng was still following Aerith around like he used to, then coming here put both him and Cloud at risk. But he had to come, he realized, he had to see for himself that some things in Midgar had remained unchanged. 

Cloud had passed Zack, beelining it toward the patch of flowers to kneel down by it. His hand reached out to gingerly touch one of the yellow petals, his face calm and relaxed. 

Zack leaned his head back, hands on his hips, and closed his eyes. The smell of old wood paired with the sweet presence of the flowers nearly brought him to tears. He had missed this place so much, he had barely realized it. He stood there for a while, just soaking up the atmosphere of this holy place and composing himself. Maybe it had been stupid coming here, but it had definitely been worth it. 

Zack was in the middle of thinking about how to leave Aerith a message to let her know he was still alive when the door to the church opened behind him with a groan.

He turned, mind not daring to hope, but heart bursting with it. 

And sure enough, in the spilling light from outside, stood Aerith. 

She didn’t notice them at first. Too occupied with pushing open the heavy door, holding two baskets in her hands. She wore a beautiful pink dress and red jacket, dirt caked boots, and her brown hair was tied in a braid as usual, topped with a familiar pink bow. 

She pushed past the doors into the church and looked up. Both her baskets dropped to the floor. 

Zack could only give her a shaky smile. “Hi.” He said, slightly breathless.

Her eyes were wide, her hands flew to her mouth, open in shock. 

He took a few tentative steps toward her. “Sorry, I’m late.” 

She laughed, bright and fragile, eyes spilling over with tears. She ran into his waiting arms. 

Her hands gripped onto the back of his shirt as his arms wrapped around her waist, lifting her off the ground. He spun her in a circle as she pressed her face into his neck and laughed through her tears. Zack felt them wet the collar of his shirt, but didn’t care. He took a deep breath of her scent, refreshing his memory and clung onto her as hard as he could without hurting her.

He put her down reluctantly, hands resting on her hips as hers cupped his face. Aerith’s thumb brushed over his cheekbones, the scar on the side of his face, over his jaw, like she was blind, trying to see him . 

“I knew.” She said, blinking through a few errant tears in her eyes. “I knew you were okay.” Her smile was the most beautiful thing Zack had seen in years. 

Then she punched him in his stomach. 

He groaned when her small fist connected, more in surprise than anything . Zack stumbled back, theatrically, holding his middle like a wounded man. 

“You owe me an explanation, mister.” Aerith put her hands in her hips. “At least.” She sounded scolding but the slight tremor in her voice betrayed her act. She was wringing with composure as much as he was.

Zack took hold of her arms and then trailed his hands down until he could take her hands. He couldn’t believe he could touch her again. There had been times he doubted he ever would again. “I do. But first, some introductions are in order.” Zack pulled her along to where Cloud was still crouched by her flowers, looking at them idly. 

He stood up as they approached, head slightly tilted. His eyes flickered between them. 

“Aerith, I think I’ve mentioned Cloud before.” 

“Oh?” Aerith peered past him, a smile on her face and extended her hand. “Nice to meet you.” 

Cloud looked down at her offered hand, his own twitching at his side like he wanted to take it but his body wasn’t quite cooperating. It took a few moments but Aerith seemed to notice his struggle and waited patiently. Eventually his hand took hers. She did the shaking for them both. 

“Do you like them? The flowers?” Aerith asked nodding towards her small field. “You can help me fix them up for today and Zack can catch me up on what happened.” She said pushing past Zack to lock her arm into Cloud’s. “Have you ever tended to flowers before?” She asked Cloud who took a while to shake his head. “I’ll teach you. It’s easy! And these flowers are very forgiving. Zack, grab my baskets would you?” Aerith ordered him kindly, and Zack was too ecstatic to even feign protesting. 

By the time he returned with the baskets, Aerith had finished explaining to Cloud which plants were weeds and how to pull them. He followed her instructions tentatively, but with intense concentration. 

“So. Spill.” Aerith said as he joined them, her arms loosely wrapped around her knees. Zack sat down next to her, close enough to feel the warmth of her body against his side. The light falling in from the ceiling made dust and pollen dancing in the air glow and he focused on them, watched them flow and disappear. 

“Well, it quickly went to shit after that last phone call we had.” Zack began. He didn’t want to go into too much detail about Nibelheim, not with Cloud there. So he just mentioned that they were attacked and injured, most of the village destroyed, and then taken in by Shin-Ra. There wasn’t much he could tell about their captivity, not when he wasn’t sure himself what was dream and what memory. Instead he focused on the months after. Breaking out of the facility, fighting Shin-Ra, and being on the run. Months of being alone with Cloud on the road, dodging their pursuers, trying to survive. It was strange, putting it into words, talking about difficult encounters with monsters and humans alike, acknowledging all the close calls and sleepless nights. Speaking it aloud meant it was real, and Zack didn’t quite know what that meant to him yet. 

Aerith listened silently, her face betraying nothing. Occasionally she would gently push Cloud’s hand away from pulling the wrong sprout. 

“There was a woman that helped us.” Zack said, the thought only occurring to him now. “She was with the Turks. Cissnei? She has red hair.” Zack said, the question whether Aerith knew her implied. 

Aerith cocked her head, thinking. “I don’t think I’ve met her. Sorry.” She said eventually. 

Zack just waved her off. He had figured as much but felt compelled to ask. He just hoped wherever Cissnei was she was okay and her betrayal for their sake hadn’t gotten her into trouble. Shin-Ra had tried hard to get him and Cloud back after all, given the little army they had sent after them. Had it been to retrieve their investment, of whatever Hojo had been doing, or was it to cover everything up? Zack could still remember the smell of burning Banora White Apples after the bombing of Genesis and Angeal’s hometown. Who knew what lengths Shin-Ra would go to to get their lab rats back? For a split second Zack thought back to his own hometown, backwater Gongaga in the middle of the jungle. Was it still standing? Were his parents-? 

He quickly discarded the thought before he could drive himself into a panic. Filed it away in the back of his mind into its own little box, to be unpacked when he had time to think about it. 

“But anyway. We made it to Midgar, some people from the Sector 7 slums picked us up on the way, gave us a ride.” He quickly carried on, skirting past his brush with near death.There was no point in telling Aerith about that, it would only make her worry. “We have been staying with them the past week.” He finished. 

Aerith let out a long breath and stretched her legs out in front of her. She put her hands in her lap. “It must have been difficult.” She said and looked at him. There was no pity in her tone, just simple acknowledgement and her gaze was kind. 

Zack felt the breath hitch in his throat, but he swallowed the sound. “Yeah.” He admitted, looking over at Cloud. He had paid seemingly no attention during their talk, occupied with the task Aerith had given him. Even now that the light was getting dim, he was still digging through the patch of dirt with laser focus. Zack wondered, knowing Cloud had grown up in a small town like him, if he had done any farming before. Was it bringing back memories or was it a new skill that simply suited him? He looked at home among the yellow flowers either way. “I’d do it again though.” Zack added, and meant it. 

Aerith smiled, bright and brilliant. She leaned against him, shoulder to shoulder “What now? Are you going to stay in Midgar?” She asked.

Zack sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. “For now. I’ve started doing some mercenary work and it’s a decent way to make money. As long as Shin-Ra thinks we are dead-” He shrugged, not knowing how to end the sentence. He hadn’t really thought farther than Midgar this entire time. What was to become of them now? Just surviving had been Zack’s main priority for so long. More to think about. 

Aerith looked at her flowers, her gaze becoming distant. 

“I’m still being watched.” She said nonchalant. “More so than before.” 

Her words landed heavily in Zack’s gut. Seeing Aerith had always meant a risk, and now it was laid out plain, impossible to ignore. 

“How is Tseng doing?” He asked, neutral. 

Aerith leaned back on her hands. “Okay, I think. Haven’t seen him around much. Maybe he’s been promoted. It’s mostly Reno and Rude following me around these days. They’re alright.” She told him nonchalantly. 

Zack nodded, he had a vague memory of those names even if he couldn’t put faces to them in the moment. 

“I’ve gotten good at avoiding them though.” She added and winked at him. Zack couldn’t help the giant grin that split his face. Of course she had. 

“We should probably head back.” Zack said reluctantly. Cloud looked up from his task at his words, hands covered in dirt. “We need to catch the last train back.” He told Aerith apologetically and stood up. His ass and back hurt from sitting on the floor for so long. He couldn’t tell exactly how long it had been, but it must have been hours. 

“You’re taking the train?” Aerith asked and also rose. 

“Can’t really use the checkpoints.” Zack replied, thinking about the ID cards in his pocket that definitely didn’t match them. Aerith however, waved him off.

“You don’t have to. I know a way into Sector 7. Completely checkpoint free.” She told him cheerfully. She clasped her arms behind her back and took a few dancing steps towards the entrance of the church. 

“You do?” He raised an eyebrow at her and his disbelieving tone had Aerith narrow her eyes at him. “Not that I don’t believe you.” He added swiftly. “Just surprised, that’s all.” 

“Uh huh.” Aerith said teasing. “Let’s go. No dilly-dallying.” She walked ahead. 

Zack looked back at Cloud, standing there with soil staining his hands and the knees of his pants and shrugged. 

  
  


* * *

“Where’s your friend?” Aerith asked him as they got back to the train station. The late hour had brought the same bustle as the early one had, a flood of people filling the area. But just as this morning, it was easy enough to pick Barret out of a crowd. 

“Over there. The big guy glaring daggers at us.” Zack said motioning toward Barret, looming over the sea of people with his arms crossed over his chest. 

He was still wearing his sunglasses despite the sun lamps slowly dimming for the night. He was also literally tapping his foot impatiently when they approached. 

“Took your sweet time.” Barret grumbled, taking his sunglasses off to glare more effectively. He paused at Cloud’s dirty hands with all the disapproval of a parent before shooting a suspicious glance at Aerith. She was beaming at him with wide eyes like she was excited to see him, something that unnerved Zack and Barret both.

“We met before?” He asked, uncrossing his arms. He sounded unsure himself. Almost like he recognized her too. Zack raised an eyebrow at him.

Aerith shook her head. “Nope. I’m Aerith.” She struck out her right hand at first before quickly switching it with her left to offer it to him to shake after she noticed his prosthetic. 

Barret took it reluctantly. “Barret.” He said letting go quickly. “Last train’s about to get in, come on.” He told them and headed toward the platform stairs.

“Aerith knows a shortcut into Sector 7.” Zack said, stopping him. 

“Does she now?” Barret asked, squinting over his shoulder at them. Aerith was still looking at him, somewhat expectantly. “What?” He asked her annoyed. 

“Nothing.” She said quickly and took a hold of Cloud’s arm. “Come on, this way.” She dragged him ahead of them walking back towards the center of Sector 5. Leaving Barret and Zack to stare after her.

“Do you only know fucking weirdos?” Barret asked eventually when she was out of earshot before he started walking. 

“That was unusual.” Zack told him slowly, but shrugged after a moment. He couldn’t really bring himself to wonder about it too much. It had been a long day and he felt exhausted, mentally more so than physically. Another thing he could worry about later, adding to his growing list. There was one thing he needed to address now. He dragged a hand through his hair with a sigh. 

“Hey, about the money. I’ll pay you back in a couple of days.” Zack said eventually. He didn’t mean just the gil that Barret had paid for them at the clinic. Even if he hadn’t wanted to admit it, Barret just being there had been a huge help. It had turned out to be a waste of time in the end, but that didn’t mean that Zack didn’t appreciate it. He didn’t want to think about what could have happened if he had gone in without backup. His mind was already concocting horror scenarios of ending up in another lab, strapped to a table or floating in a tube. 

Barret hummed thoughtfully. He brought his hand up to scratch the stubble on his chin. “You’re looking for work, right?” He asked. 

“You got something?” Zack shot back. 

“Would pay you enough to cover what you owe me and some extra.” Barret said, keeping his voice low as they passed people. 

“Sure, what did you have in mind?”

Barret looked ahead at Aerith and Cloud. “We can talk details tomorrow.” 

Zack wasn’t sure what could be so secretive that they couldn’t discuss it now, but he also didn’t feel like pressing the point either way. So he just shrugged and said “Sure.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> according to flower language (that i found online) the Lily of the Valley symbolizes sweetness, purity, pure love and the return of happiness
> 
> aerith is finally here! a little bit of a lighter chapter after the last one was so heavy. i hope you all enjoyed! i'm revealing how much crisis core ive played in this chapter. also whoever catches the advent children reference ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> thank you for reading and for your comments! they are such a delight and motivation to read always <3


	6. Transactions, of sorts

Barret leaned down to peer underneath the playground contraption as Zack climbed underneath it. In the middle was a manhole cover that he lifted away with ease, revealing a lit tunnel beneath. 

“Huh,” Zack said, sticking his head down. 

“It leads all the way to the middle of the Sector 7 slums,” Aerith said, crouched down and her head at an angle that made her long braid drag on the ground. 

Barret squinted into the tiny space. “Couldn’t have made it bigger?” He grumbled, already dreading having to squeeze himself down there. It did sound marginally better than spending all night on a train, but he wasn’t about to admit that. 

“Wouldn’t be much of a secret passageway then, would it?” Aerith said. “It’s just a short walk.” She assured them. 

The playground she had led them to sat on the outskirts of Sector 6, just a stone’s throw away from Sector 7. If not for the walls separating them, it would take less than five minutes to walk there. 

“Let’s fucking go then, I don’t feel like standing here all night,” Barret said, and if just to piss him off, as if something about his words said to do the _opposite,_ Zack climbed back out from underneath the playground structure. 

“Are you going to be alright getting home?” He asked Aerith, and Barret rolled his eyes behind his back. 

“And if I said I wasn’t?” She replied coyly. Barret shot a glance to Cloud, who had been standing on the side- silent as ever, looking out into the rubble. Perhaps he was ignoring them, it was hard to tell. Barret sure was going to ignore them. He knelt down toward the entrance of the playground tunnel house thing, trying to figure out the best way to crawl beneath to get to that secret passage. He was going to hit his head, he just knew it. It was that kind of night.

“I’ll walk you home,” Zack said quickly. Barret scoffed to himself. Zack could do that by himself. Barret had a bed calling to him. 

“Actually… Barret could accompany me, right?” Aerith said. Barret hit his head on the hard plastic of the playground house. It _was_ that kind of night.

“What?” He grit out, in surprise and pain. 

Aerith gave him a look he couldn’t interpret before she gave Zack a big smile. “You get Cloud home.” She urged. “I can visit tomorrow and we can talk some more.” 

Zack looked between her and Barret, looking as confused as Barret felt. Barret just rubbed the aching spot on his head and squinted suspiciously. 

“I-” 

“Cloud’s probably tired after today right?” Aerith said, looking at Cloud, who seemed the same as usual in Barret’s opinion. He did look at them when he heard his name, though. 

“Is nobody gonna ask me?” Barret grumbled. 

“It won’t take long,” Aerith assured him with an intense gaze.

Barret searched his memory, wondering if Aerith had any reason to be so adamant about getting him alone. He didn’t think he had ever met her before, even if she had seemed familiar at first sight. But Midgar wasn’t that big, he had probably run into her at some point without realizing, maybe that was why. It didn’t explain her behavior. He doubted she was in league with Shin-Ra if Zack had felt comfortable enough to hang out with her. but he couldn’t rule it out. 

One thing Barret did know for sure, he wasn’t going to be able to crash anytime soon.

He heaved himself upright. “Let’s just get this over with then. Come on.” He said, already annoyed at the whole situation. He walked ahead, back the same goddamn way they had just come from, as he heard Aerith and Zack exchange quick goodbye’s where Zack told her to meet him at Seventh Heaven tomorrow. At Barret’s bar! Of all places! He was never going to get rid of these little pests, was he? He muttered angrily to himself. Should have just left them in the wastes. 

Barret didn’t turn when he heard Aerith’s footsteps fall in behind him as she caught up with him.

“Thank you very much.” She said, a little out of breath. 

“Where to, missy?” He asked curtly. 

“Just back to Sector 5, I’ll be fine from there.” 

Meaning they had to either cut through Wall Market _again_ or fight their way through the monster-infested collapsed highway. Barret had to begrudgingly admit he felt more comfortable knowing that a dainty person like Aerith wouldn’t be doing either on her own. Not that he cared much for her, but he didn’t like anyone going through Wall Market on a regular day, and Aerith didn’t look much like a fighter cut out to deal with a slew of monsters. So he bit back his comment and just trudged along the way. 

“I won’t tell them, you know. No need to worry.” Aerith broke the uncomfortable silence between them that Barret had planned to ignore. 

He let out an annoyed huff. “Tell them what.” 

“About you. About us. Well, Zack knows about me, but if you don’t want to tell them it’s not my place to do so. You’re safe with me.”

Barret stopped and narrowed his eyes at Aerith. “The fuck. Are you talking about?” 

Around them, the rubble was deadly quiet, only the muffled sounds from Wall Market in the distance. 

Aerith looked at him, her brow furrowed, confused at his outburst when finally realization struck her.

“You don’t know.” She said.

Here was the thing. Barret had had a long fucking day, a long week, a few long fucking years, actually, and his patience on this particular night was getting thin. He was already pissed at getting himself saddled with two mentally unstable Shin-Ra rejects, he hadn’t really expected them to drag more fuckery into his life.

“Know what.” He demanded.

“You’re-” Aerith started but seemed afraid suddenly, looking around them, the empty paths in front and behind them before she continued with a lowered voice. “You’re like me, well. Kind of. You’re part Ancient.” 

The silence following her words was deafening. Barret stared at her in disbelief. This was a new low. He couldn’t believe he was wasting his time with this. 

“Listen, I have no fucking idea what you are on about, but I just want tonight to be over. So if you could be crazy on your own time, that would be great.” He said and continued walking. 

Aerith wasn’t following him. She still stood where they had stopped and Barret was this close to just leaving her to her own devices and go the fuck home.

“Can you hear the planet? When it’s crying out in pain?” She asked.

Barret stopped. 

It was crazy. There was no way. 

“...The fuck would you know about that?” He asked, his voice was steady, but he felt shaken. 

In his memory Barret could see his mother smiling exasperated at him as he was talking about hearing the wind, his father ruffling his hair and asking him what it had been saying to him. He also remembered the other kids in Corel laughing at him and avoiding him whenever he mentioned it until he had stopped. 

_“You’ve always had an active imagination. Nothing to be ashamed of.”_ His father had said, but the other children’s words had convinced him otherwise. 

Barret had just made it up. A child imagining stories, nothing more. It made good fodder for speeches when he needed to rally Avalanche behind his cause. Everyone could see the planet was dying, making people think it was feeling pain made it seem more sympathetic. Nothing more. Nothing-

“I can hear it too- always could. When we met I knew. Didn’t you?” 

She had seemed familiar. So what? That was nothing. He could have seen her a hundred times without noticing her. 

“I thought I was the last one. I thought I was alone.” Aerith said, fragile and hopeful. 

Something twisted in Barret’s gut. His hand clenched at his side and his heart was beating painfully in his chest. 

_His mother’s pressed smile. “Aren’t you a little old for such silly stories?”_

_Dyne grabbing the back of his neck and pressing their foreheads together. “Don’t go crazy on me now, okay?”_

Calm settled over him. His insides were cold with the truth he knew. 

“You are still alone, because whatever this is? I’m not part of it.” Barret said, his voice sharp. “Now get a move on, or I’m gone.” He kept walking, eyes fixed ahead. 

Aerith’s footsteps followed eventually, but the rest of their walk was spent in the same uncomfortable silence as before. Through the bustle of Wall Market and the street to Sector 5 neither of them broke it.

Barret stopped just past the Chocobo carriage stables at Sector 5, ready for the night to be over.

“I trust you can find your own damn way now,” He grumbled as Aerith stepped around him. She walked ahead a few steps before turning suddenly. 

“Catch.” She said and threw something at him. He caught it easily, startled though he was. Aerith smiled smugly and put her hands behind her back. “I trust you’re good with those.” She told him. “See you soon!” She disappeared into the crowd. 

Barret glared at her back, waiting for her to be out of sight before he looked at what she had thrown. It was a green Materia charged with healing magic. His first impulse was to throw it into the heaps of scrap metal just to spite her, but then his sensible side won out. Materia was expensive and could be useful. 

Not a total waste, at least, Barret begrudgingly admitted. He stuffed the Materia deep into his pocket and finally began his walk home. 

* * *

By the time he made it back - squeezing himself underneath that damned playground house - it was deep into the night. Being the middle of the workweek, however, meant that the muddy streets of Sector 7’s slums were slowly becoming deserted as even the drunks stumbled back into their holes to get rest before another depressing day tomorrow. 

Barret slumped up the stairs of the bar, the soft light peeking through the curtains like a lighthouse, guiding him into a safe harbor. He felt the weight of the day fall off him as he passed the threshold, familiar warmth and smells greeting him. 

Tifa was still inside, standing by the sink behind the bar, cleaning up the glasses of the day. She turned to him when she heard the door. 

“There you are. You’re quite late.” She said, without judgment. “I already put Marlene to bed. She was quite tired.” She added, apologetic, and Barret waved her off. 

“Figured as much.” He sat down at the bar with a heavy sigh. 

Tifa put down the last glass to dry before wiping her hands on a dishtowel and joining him on the opposite side of the bar. 

“How did it go?” She asked, pulling out two new glasses and a bottle, pouring them drinks. 

Barret took his glass with a thankful nod, taking a sip before replying. “About as well as you’d expect with that hack of a doctor.” Another long sip. “So, fucking awful.” He added. 

Tifa worried her lip between her teeth, fingers tapping on the rim of her own glass. “I see.” 

“Should have seen the guy. He heard ‘Mako poisoning’ and you could see the gil spinning in his eyes.” Barret said, voice dripping with disgust. It wasn’t unheard of that Mako junkies sold their blood for money. Their blood was full of Mako after all and it was easily repurposed to produce more drugs, which the junkies then bought with their blood money, making their blood become, in turn, even more lucrative for those willing to buy. It was a fucked up circle. 

“We should really look for someone more reliable. There’s bound to be someone down here that isn’t corrupt.” Tifa said, pushing her glass around on the counter. 

Barret put his hand over hers, stilling her motion. “Your friend will be fine. He seems tough.” He told her. It was easy to tell when Tifa was worried, she always wore her heart on her sleeve. He liked that about her. She deflated a little, putting her other hand on his, taking the comfort he was offering. 

“It’s all so strange, isn’t it?” She asked with a crooked smile.

Barret thought back to Aerith and immediately repressed that encounter. “You can say that again.” 

They pulled apart, each taking a drink. 

“We weren’t really friends before. Cloud and I.” Tifa admitted when she put her glass down. “We were neighbours as kids in a small town, you know.” Barret did know. Corel may have been one of the biggest coal mining towns around, but in an age of more efficient energies, they had been a relic. He had known almost everyone in town by name. 

“We didn’t talk much but-” Tifa shrugged. “I don’t even know.” 

“He is part of your past.” Barret said. Even if Tifa never told him explicitly what had happened to her home, he could paint a good picture himself. “It’s not strange to be afraid to lose it.” Barret couldn’t help but think of Marlene, sleeping soundly beneath their feet. She was the only piece of home he had left, and in turn, he was the only home she knew. He couldn’t imagine not having her in his life anymore.

Tifa hummed as she contemplated his words. Eventually, she sighed. “It’s just there’s a lot going on right now.” She said while staring at her drink, her eyes tracing the liquid sloshing in her glass. “Jessie said everything is ready to go as soon as Biggs is back.”

Barret nodded. Their plan had been long in the making and now it was hard to believe that it was real. Everything was going to change after they went through with it, for better or for worse. Something had to change.

He watched Tifa nurse her drink as she avoided his gaze. 

“I’m going to ask Zack if he’s up for some mercenary work.” He said and Tifa looked at him finally in surprise. 

“What?” 

“He’s bound to have some first-hand experience in a reactor, and as a Soldier, he should be a good fighter. You’ve seen him, right?”

“Yes but-” 

“So he sounds like an ideal fit, and I don’t think you’ll have to come with us if he agrees.” He said bluntly. 

Tifa tried not to appear as hopeful as she felt. Barret liked to think he understood her without words sometimes. Ever since they had begun their plan of attack on the reactor, Tifa had been hesitant. Not because she was doubting their cause, she was as committed and loyal as ever, but there was something else holding her back. They had made sure that the explosive they used would cause minimal collateral, aiming mostly for the structure rather than maximizing damage. They had done enough research, and with Biggs’ reconnaissance, they weren’t going in blind - even without the rest of Avalanche’s resources at their back. He had eliminated all concerns until it had boiled down to one simple thing. Tifa didn’t want to go into the reactor. Barret didn’t ask why, he didn’t need to know - couldn’t even be sure that that was the reason, but whatever reservations Tifa had about their plan, hopefully, this solution would ease her. 

Her expression told him he was right. “Let me know what he says. I’m fine with going still.” She said without sounding convincing and then drained her glass. 

“Yeah, I know.” He stood and walked behind the bar toward the cash register. He got out a hundred gil and put them on the counter. “For babysitting tonight.” 

“Marlene was an angel. I would do it for free.” Tifa said.

“Take your money and go home. I don’t want to see you before noon tomorrow.” He pushed the money into her hands and gently herded her towards the door. 

She turned to kiss him on the cheek. “Goodnight, Barret.” 

“Goodnight.” He said and took their glasses to the sink. He would worry about those in the morning. 

Tifa stopped at the door. “Thank you.” She said with such earnestness it made Barret feel soft. 

“Get out of here.” He said. 

“If you want to talk about anything, you know I’m happy to listen too.” She added emphatically. Her eyes had that knowing glint to them. It was easy to forget that she understood him as well as he did her. 

Barret saw the stern set of her jaw and the conviction in her eyes and he was intensely grateful to have her as a friend. The earlier conversation rose up from the back of his consciousness, the healing Materia burning a hole into his pocket. Ancients, and voices, and the planet, all on the tip of his tongue. He pushed it back down. No use entertaining that nonsense tonight. Not while they were both this sober. 

“I know. I’ll take you up on it one day.” He said. 

Tifa accepted his answer and with one last wave, then slipped outside and locked the door behind her. 

Barret finished closing up the bar and headed downstairs shortly after, taking the hidden ladder in the backroom rather than the noisy elevator to not wake Marlene. 

The living room downstairs was a testament to the stage of their plan. Papers, schematics, empty cups, and dirty plates were scattered around every surface. Jessie had pushed the TV aside to use the sideboard it sat on as a makeshift workbench, wires and tools left for someone else to deal with. Barret considered briefly cleaning up then decided against it. Another problem for tomorrow. 

He checked on Marlene instead. She was sound asleep in her room, the fairy lights at the ceiling casting a soft glow on her as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and pulled the covers to her chin. 

For her, Barret reminded himself. She would have a better future. She would have a planet that was healthy and thriving, she would have a big bedroom with windows showing her actual stars at night, and she would be safe. She wasn’t going to meet the same fate her parents had, she was going to grow old and live a happy life, free of Shin-Ra and anyone else threatening her future and Barret was going make it happen.

Shin-Ra would burn. 

He crept out of Marlene’s room quietly and got ready for bed. 

They couldn’t be sure when Biggs was going to get back to them without communications, but Barret had a feeling it would be soon. There were long days ahead of him. Especially with all the messes Zack and Cloud were bringing into his life on top of it all. And Aerith. 

It wouldn’t let him go. The more he wanted to ignore their conversation, the more it crept back. So much so that he paced in his bedroom looking for his Planetology books. He didn’t know much about Ancients, hadn’t cared to know. They were a small footnote in any of the publications he had read, and the few other mentions that came to mind were children stories he had read to Marlene once. 

Maybe that was where Aerith had gotten her delusions from. 

It was ridiculous, was what it was. 

By the time Barret finally managed to lay down to sleep, he vowed to forget about the whole thing for his own sanity. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm a little nervous with this chapter, I hope you all enjoyed it! I love Barret so much and I really want to do right by him.  
> I havent been in this fandom long but playing the games and engaging with the fancontent I just got this idea in my head that barret could be part ancient, given his proficiency with healing spells, his connection to the planet's pain and now in the remake getting stabbed by Sephiroth - yknow as cetra are known to do - and like Aerith can't be the last right? (Also fun fact apparently Aerith and Barret were designed to be like parallels of each other sort of a right hand left hand situation according to tvtropes and the wikia). So I figured there is probably a lot of cetra still around but that maybe are not as closely descended as Aerith is. Anyway this is just an elaborate way to push my headcanon agenda xD either way I'd love to hear your thoughts on that!  
> Thank you for reading <3


	7. State of Affairs

The apartment underneath the bar was surprisingly spacious, if a little dark. Someone had taken the time to make the place homey, there was comfortable if worn furniture placed deliberately, and even a few pictures and framed art on the walls- made by Marlene if Zack were to guess. Usually, it was a very inviting place. After hearing Jessie’s pitch of their upcoming mission, however, it became less so.

“Avalanche,” Zack said. “You guys are Avalanche.” 

“Yep,” Jessie said cheerfully and winked at him. “New and improved version, that is.” 

Zack buried his face in his hands. Avalanche. Of course he had somehow managed to get tangled up with a group of domestic terrorists. Very nice terrorists that had - arguably - saved his life, but still, terrorists. He personally had only faced them a handful of times in the past, but word around Shin-Ra about their methods and their tactics had made them infamous. Though, how much could Zack trust the word of his former employer? 

“We split from the rest of Avalanche, dude, we are totally different than what you knew.” Wedge assured him and Zack composed himself and sat back up straight. Beggars couldn’t be choosers, a voice in his head reminded him. He liked to think he had gotten to know all three of them in the past week, and it was obvious they had their heart in the right place. 

“Right. So.” He said after taking a deep breath, looking expectantly past Jessie and Wedge to Barret, sat in the back, uncharacteristically quiet. He had barely spoken all morning and even now he seemed distracted, looking off into the distance, gaze unfocused. 

“Barret?” Jessie asked him. Barret’s eyes drifted toward her and he motioned for her to continue.

Jessie turned her attention back to Zack, trying to hide her confusion behind her usual cheer. 

“We would only really need you as additional muscle, bodyguard duties, and distraction while we do the job. That sort of thing.” She explained.

“You still haven’t told me what the job is,” Zack said.

Jessie thrust her fist upward. “We are going to be dealing a blow to Shin-Ra is what the job is,” She told him gleefully. Zack eyed her apprehensively. From his experience with Avalanche, that could mean anything from theft to extreme violence against personnel. 

“Which means?” He inquired slowly. 

He hated Shin-Ra, but they were everywhere, figuratively and literally. Getting back on their radar after just barely escaping with his life was a huge risk, not just for himself, but for everyone around him. Not to mention that some unlucky infantryman had little responsibility for Shin-Ra’s atrocities and shouldn’t have to pay for them. 

“We’re gonna hit them where it hurts. That’s all you need to know at this point.” Barret said sternly, finally joining the conversation. Both feet planted firmly on the ground, he sat up and looked down on Zack, who resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 

“Don’t worry dude, it’s just a precaution.” Wedge said, placating. “I don’t even know which reactor we are gonna hit either-” Jessie hit Wedge over the back of the head before Barret had the chance to. He glared at Wedge instead as Zack felt himself pale.

“You want to attack a reactor?” Zack asked, alarmed. Any of the reactors were staffed at all times, mostly guard personnel plus a couple dozen technicians and scientists. Not to mention the fallout of a reactor outage. Midgar was prized for its electricity supply, but few people knew how fragile the infrastructure was. Taking a reactor offline would likely cause an entire Sector to plummet into darkness, if not more. 

Barret rose from his seat, making use of his imposing height in the confined space. “Shin-Ra only understands one language, and we are going to make use of it. We are going to stop them from destroying the planet- and this is just the beginning.” 

Zack lowered his gaze and braced his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know.” He said finally. Barret’s words stirred the desire for action in him. Yes, he wanted to hurt Shin-Ra for what they had done. He would gladly waltz into Headquarters and take a sword to them- to Professor Hojo especially. But then the fear came back. Fear for his safety. For Cloud’s safety. And even fear for Barret and the others. Did they know what Shin-Ra was capable of retaliating with? 

“Still feeling some love for your old masters?” Barret scoffed. 

“No,” Zack glared. “But right now they think Cloud and I are dead. If they see me attacking one of their reactors, that will change.” 

“We got security footage covered.” Wedge waved his concerns off. 

“And we can give you a make-over. To disguise your identity.” Jessie added hastily, all too excited about the idea. “I have several wigs.” 

Zack frowned. 

“This job would pay double what you owe me. If you don’t want it, then don’t waste my time.” Barret said.

Zack looked at him then to Jessie and Wedge who gave double thumbs up. He dragged a hand through his hair. 

“Can I think about it?” He asked. 

Jessie beamed. 

“You have until our last man is back. Don’t think too long.” Barret said and then lifted his gun arm toward him. “If any of this leaves this room-” He trailed off, his tone cold. Zack was unimpressed, but he understood. 

“It won’t. No matter my decision.” He said, because even if he didn’t feel comfortable about their plans in the slightest, he owed Barret that much.

They headed back upstairs on the groaning elevator, having concluded their business. Tifa was still behind the bar, shooting questioning glances in their direction. Cloud was sitting at one of the tables with Marlene, paper and crayons surrounding them. When the elevator came to a stop, she abandoned drawing to run at Barret and jump into his arms. He caught her effortlessly as Jessie and Wedge sat down by the bar to chat with Tifa. 

“Daddy! I made you a drawing.” Marlene exclaimed proudly pointing at the desk. “Cloud helped.” She told them. Both Zack and Barret threw a look at Cloud, who looked away with a short headshake and busied his hands straightening out the scattered crayons. 

“Really?” Barret asked, amused, and took the drawing from the desk to examine it further. “That looks amazing, sweetheart. You’re a born artist.” He told her fondly and pressed a kiss to her cheeks, making her giggle. Zack managed to steal a glance at the paper. It appeared to be a bunch of chickens going down a playground slide, the sky above them steel gray and at the bottom of the picture Marlene had written both her and Cloud’s names. It was unclear from the picture how much either of them had contributed, but it seemed largely Marlene’s handy work. 

“Tifa! We got another one for the wall.” Barret said loudly and sat Marlene down, who already seemed to know what to do. She grabbed her painting and ran behind the bar where Tifa was already preparing a spot by the wall that was covered in Marlene’s drawings. 

Zack sat down next to Cloud at the table and nudged him with a smirk. “Didn’t know you had such talent.” 

Cloud gave him a long-suffering glance when there was a loud knock on the door, making it rattle in its frame. 

A cautious silence fell over them all instantly, save for Marlene, who was distracted while Tifa held her up to reach the empty spot at the wall. 

Zack shot a glance at Barret, who was the first to move. 

“Stop getting y’all’s panties in a twist.” He told them and opened the door. 

Behind it was a young man with long, dark hair in dreadlocks and a folder under his arm, spilling with paper. Barret relaxed instantly when he recognized the man and for a moment Zack thought that they might be brothers for the familiarity which Barret greeted him with. 

“Finn! Welcome.” Tifa said. Even Marlene waved at the new guy. 

“‘Sup everyone,” Finn said as he came in. He hesitated when he saw Zack and Cloud, but quickly ignored them. “I got the thing done, boss.” He told Barret, lifting his folder, which promptly caused several of the wedged pieces of paper to spill out. It was several different drawings of Stamp, the dobermann dog with his green helmet with stars. Finn quickly collected the drawings as Barret dragged him over to the bar. Zack eyed them suspiciously. What were they doing with drawings of Shin-Ra’s mascot? 

Cloud nudged him, but Zack ignored him to try to look between Barret’s and Finn’s back to catch a glimpse of whatever they were discussing. It had to be connected to their plan, but how? 

“Zack?” Cloud said. 

“Yeah, wha-” Zack began before his brain caught up with the information. Cloud had spoken. He turned to him, eyes wide. “Did you just-?” 

Cloud clamped his mouth shut, jaw clenched, but he pointed back toward the door. Zack reluctantly turned, only to see Aerith standing in the doorway, holding a basket of flowers. She waved at him cheerfully unaware or ignoring the situation around her. 

“Aerith!” He announced loudly to make Barret and the others aware of her presence. 

Barret quickly covered the papers on the bar and glared over his shoulder. 

“Damn, real busy today, huh?” Finn said as Tifa came out from behind the bar. 

“Hello.” Aerith waved as Zack made his way over to her. 

“Hey.” He said. It was almost jarring to see her again so soon. 

Tifa joined them by the door. “Hello.” She said and held out her hand for Aerith to shake. “I’m Tifa. You’re Zack’s friend?” He noticed that Tifa had subtly nudged them past the threshold of the door and pulled it ajar behind them so they couldn’t see inside. 

“That’s me!” Aerith shook Tifa’s hand, feigning obliviousness. “Is this your bar?” 

Tifa shook her head. “No, Barret is the owner. I just bartend.” 

“Well, either way,” Aerith said, lifting her basket of flowers and putting them in Tifa’s hands. “These are for you guys.” 

“Oh-” Tifa accepted them. “Are those real ones?” She asked in awe, her eyes wide. Her fingers gingerly touched the petals of the yellow flowers in the basket. 

“Yep. I grow them myself.” Aerith said proudly. “Zack actually got me into the flower selling business.” She said, nudging him with her elbow. Tifa looked between them and held the basket out for Aerith to take back.

“I don’t think we can afford these,” Tifa said but Aerith just waved her off. 

“They’re a gift. Barret was so nice to escort me home yesterday.” 

“Oh?” Tifa frowned at her for a second before she pulled the basket closer again, holding it gently like something sacred.

“I haven’t seen real flowers in so long.” Tifa said absentmindedly, her eyes still focused on the little plants in her hands, a small smile forming on her lips. 

“You should come visit me sometime! I have a whole gardenful.” Aerith told her, putting her hand over Tifa’s holding the basket. 

Tifa took a slight step backwards, a little taken aback by the offer and Zack couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Aerith had that effect on people sometimes. “That sounds nice. Sure.” Tifa eventually said, slight confusion in her smile. 

“Awesome!” Aerith said before she hooked her arm into Zack’s. “For now though, I’m just here to kidnap this man for a few hours.” 

Before Zack could say anything Tifa already put a hand on his arm. “Of course. Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye out.” She told him in a lowered voice. 

He gave her a grateful smile and stole a glance through the crack in the door at Cloud who Marlene had enthralled in a conversation. 

“I’ll be back in a few hours.” He assured Tifa and she bid them farewell before heading back inside. This time, he heard her lock the door behind them. Probably a wise decision. Even if Zack had no idea who Finn was or what his particular job in this whole operation was, it was probably good that it had Aerith that had stumbled on them all in one place instead of someone else. Zack sighed and let Aerith lead him down the porch.

“Well, where did you want to go?” She asked him as they descended the stairs. 

“There’s a quiet place we can talk.” He told her and took the lead. Even in his short time down in the slums, mercenary work sure made one get a good lay of the land quickly.

Despite the early hours, the slums were full of life. Vendors were at their stalls haggling with customers, and there were children and animals running through the streets. At the bar were a couple of drunkards, beers in hands, waiting for Seventh Heaven to open. Zack led Aerith past the bar, down the road until they were past the houses, just shy of the fence protecting the slums from the monster-infested scrap yards.

“Did something happen on your way home last night? Barret was grumpy all morning, more than usual.” He asked, as the noise of the people disappeared and they were finally alone.

Aerith tapped her chin with her finger. “Not that I remember.”, she said casually. “We just had some small talk and he dropped me off at Sector 5.” 

Zack contemplated this as they came to a lonesome bench. They sat down, side to side. Maybe Barret had just slept bad, Zack thought, dismissing the issue. He didn’t know the other man  _ that  _ well, after all. 

“Why did you want him to take you anyway?” He asked instead. 

Aerith shrugged against him. “I just thought I recognized him from somewhere.” She said nonchalantly, swinging her legs playfully. “And I figured you’d feel better getting Cloud home yourself.” She nudged him. 

He had to give her that. Then she poked his side. “Why? Were you jealous?” She teased him.

Zack sputtered. “No! Of course not. I was just curious.” He said and Aerith giggled at him. 

“But that’s actually what I wanted to talk about.” He said carefully. There was one thing they hadn’t gotten to discuss yesterday and it had kept him up most of the night. 

“About you being jealous?” Aerith asked, teasingly. 

“No. I mean- sort of?” Zack rambled, raking a hand through his hair. “I meant about us.”

Aerith fell silent, but she still swung her legs idly, kicking up the dirt underneath them. Serious talk time, Zack thought and took a deep breath. 

“It’s been five years, and obviously I didn’t have anyone else or do anything, but even though you knew I was alive, I was gone and I wouldn’t blame you- I mean not that you couldn’t have- you had no idea if I was coming back and I’m just saying that-” A small hand clasped over his mouth and Aerith leaned in with a kind smile.

“Zack. There was no one else.” She said firmly before she let go of him.

“Oh.” He said, relieved. “Of course. I was just saying if there had been that would- I would have understood.” He added quickly.

“But you are right. Five years is a long time.” Aerith said. “We’ve both changed. I’m not the same girl anymore.” She told him, her gaze focused far away. She pressed her shoulder against his. 

“You’re still you.” He told her quietly.

She nudged him. “So are you. But you’ve been through a lot. I’ve been through some things, too.” She said, her voice neutral. 

Zack wanted to ask questions but felt his throat swell. He hadn’t been there for her. Even if it wasn’t his fault, even knowing she didn’t blame him, he felt awful for it. He took one of her hands between both of his and squeezed it tight. He would be there now, he vowed. They sat in silence for a while, both of them deep in their own thoughts. 

“So, what does that mean for us?” He asked eventually. 

Aerith hummed contemplating as she looked ahead. “Neither of us knew if we would see each other again. But now you’re back.” She said. 

“For good this time.” He promised.

Aerith looked at him, her eyes looking deep into his in a way that made Zack feel exposed and vulnerable but in a good way. She was seeing all of him and he knew he had nothing to hide from her. “Sounds like we have time to figure out where we are going then.” She smiled.

Zack smiled softly. “Yeah.” 

“Friends then.” She said leaning her head on his shoulder. “For now.” 

“I’d like that.” He said, putting an arm around her shoulders. He was surprised how earnest he felt about it too. When he had started this conversation he hadn’t been sure where he had hoped it would go. There was something bittersweet about it. He still loved Aerith, he would always love her. But knowing she was going to be in his life, no matter what? It was incredibly reassuring. 

“You can still fulfill my wish.” She told him, the teasing edge back again. 

He leaned his cheek on her head, enjoying the smell of her hair. “It’d be my pleasure to spend more time with you.” 

“Good, because I’ve added to my list.” She said making them both chuckle. “Oh, now that that’s settled. This Tifa, is she single?” 

Zack clutched his chest and made a wounded sound, leaning away from her. “Too soon.” He grunted. Aerith gave him a light shove, toppling him off the bench with a bright laugh. 

* * *

Aerith bid him goodbye and they finally parted ways at Seventh Heaven, at the bottom of the steps, where Tifa informed him that Cloud had gone home shortly after he had left. 

“You know how he is with crowds.” She had told him. “Jessie and Wedge made sure he got there alright.” So Zack went straight back to their apartment after seeing Aerith off. He felt a spring in his step, even with the difficult decision he needed to make looming over him. Maybe the next morning would give him clarity. His mother always used to tell him to sleep on big decisions. He gave Marle a wave as he passed her on his way upstairs to their apartment. 

“You, mister, owe me an explanation,” Zack said immediately as he opened the door. His tone was mock-serious as he put his hands on his hips, staring into the apartment.

Cloud was frozen half leaned forward, in the middle of untying his shoe. His eyes wide, staring at Zack like a deer caught in headlights. 

Zack closed the door and his stomach sank. Cloud looked horrified. “I mean-” 

Cloud unfroze, setting both feet on the ground and staring down at them instead of at Zack, who quickly sat down beside him. 

“I didn’t- Just, it was good to hear your voice today.” He said, careful of his tone. Spending time with Aerith had made him feel just like old times, joking and carefree, no worries or problems other than finding time to hang out. Now, one sentence had Cloud clenching his fists in the sheets and his body as tense as a wire about to snap. How was that for a reality check? “You should- you could talk more. If you want.” He added, mentally berating himself. A voice in his head that sounded like Angeal called him an overexcited puppy with no tact. 

Cloud deliberately unclenched his fingers and rested them in his lap instead, his shoulders fell a little and his gaze drifted to Zack’s, who had never seen anyone look so uncomfortable in a seemingly relaxed position. 

“It’s-” Cloud started, his voice rusty. He gestured with his hands. “Hard.” He settled on, visibly frustrated with himself. Zack couldn’t help but think of the doctor’s words from the day before. How Mako affected the brain, how it could completely and utterly destroy a person, how it took over the brain until you had no control over your body anymore. Yet, Cloud was here, and he was walking and talking, and Zack couldn’t help but feel ecstatic about it. 

Zack nodded encouragingly. “You’re getting there, though! That’s amazing.” He gave Cloud the biggest smile and nudged him. Cloud looked away, embarrassed at the affection. He shrugged. 

“Just you wait,” Zack told him. “We could spar a little if you feel up for it! Get you started on some squads.” That finally made the tension in Cloud’s body dissipate a little, if only to give Zack the same long-suffering glance from earlier that morning. “I’m going to get you in tip-top shape in no time, just you wait.” He put an arm around Cloud’s neck and put him in a careful headlock to ruffle his hair. 

“I’ve been meaning to thank you.” He said as Cloud struggled out of his hold to frown at him. “For saving my life.” 

Cloud’s eyes widened and he shook his head immediately. “No. No, you-” He began to say. 

“Barret told me you had dragged me toward Midgar when he found us.” Zack interrupted him. Cloud looked pained at the memory and looked away. “But even before that. I don’t know what I would have done on my own. Well, you didn’t have a choice  _ then,  _ but you didn’t give up.” Zack told him, the words spilling out of him suddenly. He didn’t like to think about those months on the run, about the close calls or the unending struggle. Logic would dictate that on his own it would have been easier, but Zack couldn’t find it in him to believe that notion. Too many nights he had felt close to giving up or handing himself in just so he could  _ stop _ . But didn’t. Because of Cloud. “You kept fighting and that kept me fighting.” 

Cloud sighed heavily, eyes fixed on the ground. 

“Friends. Right?” He said eventually. 

Zack’s face broke into a smile. “Exactly.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took a bit longer than i'd like but here it is (thank you echo for being so fast in beta-ing this time)! i hope you all like it! thank you so much for everyone's comments they are always a delight <3


	8. A Flower Blooming in the Slums

00:00:00

The bomb went off and the planet cried. 

* * *

39:54:02

Tifa placed a bottle of liquor on the coffee table, a glass topping the neck like a cap. She set down on the floor and folded her arms on the table. She didn’t say a word, just made herself comfortable on the carpet underneath her and looked at Barret with that kind patience he loved and loathed at the same time. It was quiet at this time of night - or rather very early morning, the bar above them long abandoned and Marlene sleeping soundly in the other room

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Barret grumbled. 

Tifa pushed the bottle closer, glass scraping loudly across wood, her eyebrows raised expectantly. 

“Don’t want to get drunk either.” He said, feeling a little like a petulant child. He huffed.

“Well, something is bugging you. And so close to the mission, I thought it might be good to get whatever it is off your chest.” She said, leaning her chin on her hand and looking at him patiently. He squinted at her, hating that she was making a lot of sense. He had tried ignoring his thoughts all day and all he had accomplished was thinking more about it, and briefly wondered if anyone else had noticed. Just what he needed, being off his game and undermining his own authority. 

Barret sighed, and slid down the couch to join Tifa on the floor, only the table between them. He had already taken the gatling gun off for the night and felt off-balance, even without her gaze. 

He didn’t even know where to begin. 

“It’s stupid.” Barret said, waving it off, hoping that Tifa would drop it but knowing she wouldn’t. 

She sat up straight, in rapt attention. “Okay.”

He sighed again and dragged a hand across his stubble, digging his fingers in until he felt his jaw underneath his skin. The words felt heavy and trying to lift them until they made a sound was an exhausting task. 

“So, you know that shit I always say, about the planet being alive?” Barret said slowly and deliberately. How to even approach this without sounding as crazy as Aerith had? Way back when, in Corel, everyone had thought he was a weirdo, even his parents had only humored him. Dyne had thought he had lost it when he started to talk about it again after his parents had died. Only Myrna had liked the stories he spun, when she had been too sick to do anything else and he had scrambled to give her comfort. But she had always been a little spiritual and oh, so kind. 

Tifa just gave an affirmative sound and an encouraging smile, leaning forward. 

“As a kid, I believed that for real. I thought the planet would talk to me.” Barret said slowly and deliberately, staring at the table. Like it was a vague concept, entirely theoretical and not hearing voices in the wind, echoing from the mines.

Tifa cocked her head. “That sounds like a nice game to play.” She said. 

“Exactly.” Barret spit out immediately. “It was all pretend, anything else would be insane.” Tifa blinked at his outburst. 

“I wouldn’t say that.” She said slowly, her smile fading to a thoughtful frown. 

“But you would think that.” He said, fixing her in a stare and she held his gaze.

“Coming from you? I could believe it.” She said. When he narrowed his eyes, she shrugged. “You always sound so sure when you make your speeches, that’s why Jessie, Wedge, Biggs, and I follow your lead.” 

Barret huffed. ”Great.” he said sarcastically. Maybe they were all fools then.

Tifa smirked a little at his reaction. “You know I grew up so far away from Midgar. I saw the countryside where everything was lush and blooming and then trekked through the Wasteland to get here. But I didn’t really  _ see  _ it until you pointed out how wrong it was. How obviously Shin-Ra wasn’t just hurting people, but the planet too. It was right in front of me.” His heart swelled a little at her words. Fighting the fight they did, it was easy to get discouraged. People just didn’t want to see the destruction Shin-Ra wrought sometimes. To know that he had been able to open Tifa’s eyes to it - it felt precious. 

“I think sometimes we need someone pointing out the obvious to us.” She continued. “If I have the right Materia I can make fire appear in my hands or summon a creature from another realm. Hearing the planet speak doesn’t sound too far fetched.” 

He squinted at her and she smiled back cheekily. “It is though.” He argued. 

Tifa slapped the tabletop lightly, mindful of Marlene in the other room. 

“Try it, then," She said, voice full of youthful enthusiasm. 

“What?” Barret asked, exasperated. 

“Try and listen to the planet. If there's nothing, then that’s it. A child’s game.” 

“That’s ridiculous.” 

“It’s just us here. I won’t make fun of you.” 

“I know that-- it’s just stupid.”

“Let’s do it together, then. I’ll try too.” She said, all excited. He fixed her in a stern gaze but she remained unswayed. He gave a heavy sigh.

“Fine. After, we are not talking about this ever again.”

“Promise.” Tifa said, holding out her pinky to him. He linked his with hers. “So, how do we do this?” She asked him and sat up straight, folding her legs underneath her. 

“Fuck if I know. This is your idea.” He said, but followed her lead. 

“During my training we would meditate, maybe that’ll help.” She pondered. “Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Or I guess, try and focus on the planet.” She said and closed her eyes. Barret glared at her for a few moments while she couldn’t see before he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly to quell his annoyance and closed his eyes.

He began by focusing on his breathing, in and out. He could feel the beat of his heart in his chest, the blood pulsing through his ears, the phantom pain of his missing arm that lingered sometimes. 

As a child the voices were just there- he had just pretended they were there. No need to focus or to try to hear them, they had just been there and then he had decided not to hear them anymore, simple as that. Meditating wasn’t something he had ever done. He was aware of Tifa’s presence in the room and of their ridiculous behavior. Whatever other benefit it could have, he couldn’t see it and the only thing he did eventually hear was Marlene’s quiet crying in the other room. 

He opened his eyes and got up. “Probably another nightmare.” He said and only then did Tifa open her eyes. 

“What?” She asked, confused. 

Barret frowned at her and pointed with his thumb towards Marlene’s room. “Marlene’s crying can’t you-” but as he said it, he noticed the sound was gone.

“I didn’t hear anything.” She said, her eyes widening. 

Barret scoffed, head shaking in disbelief. His feet carried him quickly to Marlene’s door, worry swirling in his gut. 

Even from the low light coming in from the hallway, he could see Marlene. She was lying in her bed, sleeping soundly, her perfect little cheeks dry of any tears. 

He had heard her, he was sure of it, would bet his other arm on it. Barret would recognize her crying. His mind was fine-tuned to respond to it. And yet.

Tifa came up on his right side, close enough to feel the warmth of her body without touching. She said nothing as they watched Marlene, mumble quietly in her sleep. 

“Am I losing it?” He asked quietly, watching his little girl from the doorway. Dread and fear came up in his throat. He couldn’t - not now. Not until it was done. He tried to swallow.

“I don’t think so.” Tifa said, equally quiet. 

“Maybe I’ll have that drink after all.” 

  
  


* * *

26:22:45

One drink had turned into several and even with the hangover, Barret didn’t regret it. It gave him something else to focus on during the day and had helped him sleep through the night. He couldn’t let this distract him now. Biggs had reported back early the next morning, waking up both Barret and Tifa after only a few short hours of sleep.

It wouldn't be long until their plan went into action. 

He and Tifa were preparing the bar for the day when Zack and Cloud tumbled their way inside. Maybe he should start locking the door so people could stop fucking bothering him all the time, Barret mused. When they made a beeline to Tifa however, Barret took it as an invitation to ignore them, and continued scrubbing whiskey from the bar counter. 

“I was wondering if you had a place to spar? I remember you mentioning you had some fight training.” Zack asked her and Tifa perked up immediately. She had weathered the night of drinking better than he had. Barret blamed it on her being fit and energetic-- not on her being over a decade younger than him. 

“Oh, sure! You guys want to get some training in?” She asked. Cloud didn’t look at her when she shot him a glance, instead looking at Barret in the background, who raised his eyebrows in response. 

“Gotta stay in shape and the apartment is a little small.” Zack said sheepish. 

“Barret, do you mind-” Tifa turned around but he interrupted her before she could finish. 

“Get out of here already. I could do with a few minutes of peace.” Barret grumbled. “Lock the door behind you.” He added. 

She nodded, leaving the rag she had been using to wipe down the tables behind and headed for the door but Zack lingered behind for a moment. 

“Barret, I thought it over.” He said, overly serious. Barret really wasn’t in the mood for it. He gave Zack a look, raising his eyebrows and wishing he were wearing his sunglasses against the sunlight streaming in from the windows. 

“I’m in.” He said with finality.

“Alright.” Barred nodded and continued his scrubbing. “We’ll be talking more tonight after closing.” Then, they all left the bar together. 

* * *

12:30:12

“Tada!” Jessie said, proudly tying the red bandana around Zack’s head to hide his hair. It looked quite ridiculous given Zack’s usual wardrobe didn’t get more colorful than a warm grey, but then, that was kind of the point. At a quick glance, it would probably be enough to not be recognizable. 

Wedge gave a matching thumbs up with Jessie to Zack, who looked at himself in the hand mirror Jessie had brought along. Barret and Biggs watched him struggle not to offend Jessie’s capabilities from the other side of the bar. 

“He seems nice.” Biggs said and Barret grunted. “And an ex-Soldier. Could be really useful.” 

“He better be useful.” Barret said. Zack tucked at the bandana, fighting Jessie’s meddling hands trying to adjust it further. She also argued to put makeup on him. 

“No need to worry boss, we could do this in our sleep.” Biggs assured him, giving him the same thumbs up. There were still rings under his eyes from his long reconnaissance mission. Barret made a mental note to keep an eye on Biggs. He wasn’t about to lose any of them. Maybe it was good that Zack was coming along. If he was as good as Soldier’s reputation and Tifa’s word promised they wouldn’t have to worry about the guards. 

“I might need a different sword.” Zack said across the room. 

But Biggs was right. They were prepared for this and they could pull it off flawlessly. With or without Soldier boy. 

“Why? Is yours like, standard issue or something?” Wedge asked. 

Zack hesitated, hand clasping around the handle. “No. It’s just- someone might recognize it.” 

“We know a guy that sells weapons!” Biggs shouted toward them. 

“Oh, yeah!” Wedge exclaimed. 

Barret hit the bar top to get everyone’s attention before Wedge and Jessie could go on another tangent. “You all know the plan.” He fixed them all in a stare, one after the other. Jessie, Wedge gave him mock salutes while Zack nodded. “Get your shit in order and then get some rest. We are leaving bright and early tomorrow.” 

* * *

03:02:33

“You go and find somewhere else to sit.” Barret growled at the two suited men coming into their compartment. One of them started to puff out his chest, but his friend was smarter, pulling him back out the way they came, leaving the train compartment empty save for him and Zack. 

“Is this your idea of a low profile?” Zack asked from opposite the compartment. He had his elbows braced on his knees, shoulders hanging low. Thanks to the hour of the day, the train was mostly deserted. If everything went to plan, their return would fall right into the rush hour at the end of the working day, making it easy for them to disappear in the crowds.

Barret leaned back. “Some suits getting bullied on a train by some slum scum is something they are going to complain about to their spouses at home, not something they report to the authorities.” 

Zack gave a loud sigh and leaned back into the seats, face turned toward the window. The dark tunnels they were traversing outside turned the glass into mirrors. He was pouting like a child. Shouldn’t have agreed to come if he was going to complain the whole way, Barret thought, but it was too late to tell him off now. He had gotten the strong sense that Zack thought of himself a little too good for a job like this. How beneath someone of his skillset it was - and yet here he was. Maybe it would take him down a few pegs to see the other side of the conflict against Shin-Ra for once. 

The silence rang between them as the train trudged on. Only the warning for the ID control breaking it. As the announcement rang out, Zack tensed, gaze flying to the ceiling as if he could make it out. They passed through the red sensors without issue. 

Barret gave a silent thank you to Jessie’s forgery skill and connections for their IDs. 

“Did that happen in the war?” Zack asked, out of the blue. He nodded towards Barret’s arm - or lack thereof - resting on the back of the seat. “If you don’t mind me asking.” He added.

“I do mind. Actually.” Barret said, his voice sharper than he meant it. To Zack’s credit, he only nodded and dropped the subject.

Barret shuffled in his seat, attempting to look nonchalant. 

“I didn’t serve. I worked in coal.” He admitted despite himself. The train emerged from the tunnels and the sudden light of the setting sun startled them both a little bit. So much brighter than the sun lamps they used on the slums to keep them all complacent. 

“Coal?” Zack asked, bewildered. “That must have been ages ago.” 

Barret bristled. “Not as long as you might think, punk.” Sure, Mako energy was the sole supplier of energy in Midgar and most of the surrounding cities, but many of the smaller ones out in the countryside had relied on older technologies, some still did to this day. He wasn’t that much older than them, he thought with a huff. He lifted his gun arm in front of him. Felt Dyne’s hand slip from his fingers, the smell of smoke in his nostrils. “This is a reminder of what Shin-Ra does to people.” He said eventually and lowered his arm. 

Zack looked at him. “Why come here then?” He asked and Barret wondered if Zack was just desperate for an answer for himself. 

“I wasn’t going to let them do  _ this  _ to the planet as well.” Barret said. “Gotta strike them at the heart.”

Zack turned his words in his head for a moment then nodded. 

“Why did you come here?” Barret felt compelled to ask. “Of all places. Not ideal to hide away here, is it?” 

Zack opened and closed his mouth, at a loss for words. 

“It’s… kind of the only place I know.” He said eventually, mouth open to continue when the announcement of their arrival at Sector 1 interrupted him. 

Show time.

* * *

\- 00:21:04

The streets were hell. The reactor had gotten obliterated in their fight and the following explosion had severely damaged most of the surrounding Sectors. Homes were burning, people were crying, dying in the streets as Shin-Ra’s military frantically attempted to restore order. 

Barret had known this could happen, had steeled himself for it. It wasn’t like the people living plateside didn’t deserve it. Living on the suffering of the slums, able to enjoy real sunshine and unfiltered air, in their plush houses with their excellent plumbing that didn’t require filters in order to be able to drink the water. Maybe these people hadn’t lit the matches for Shin-Ra but they still warmed themselves by the resulting fire anyway. 

That was what Barret’s head told him. His heart made him hurry through the streets, looking away from the injured, deaf to the screaming and crying. They had always known this could happen, even if they had taken every step to avoid it. There was no use feeling guilty for it now. This had to happen. Maybe now it would open people’s eyes. Maybe now, with the first symbol of their power reduced to rubble, Shin-Ra’s employees would grow a conscience. 

And maybe next time, they could avoid the unnecessary bloodshed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoyed!!
> 
> i also hope you had happy holidays the past few weeks if you celebrated anything! the end of december always catches up with me hence the delay haha. thank you everyone for sticking with this fic! ive been having so much fun in this fandom this year. onto a hopefully better one. 
> 
> thanks to my beta as always she is a gem <3


	9. Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING:  
> \- PTSD Flashback  
> \- graphic depiction of a panic attack  
> \- drowning imagery  
> \- allusions to past torture  
> \- light disassociation
> 
> If this is content you cannot or do not want to engage with I will include a bullet point list of the most important plot points at the bottom of the chapter. Please proceed with caution!  
> It should be safe to read after the first line.

Zack was drifting. His feet carried him away from the train platform, ignoring Avalanche celebrating a job well done. Destruction and death was lining the streets plateside the likes of which he hadn’t seen since the war. 

What had he gotten himself into? 

Cloud, Tifa and Marlene were sitting on the steps to Seventh Heaven, anxiously awaiting their return. Marlene ran past him, overjoyed, into the arms of her dad and all Zack could hear was static in his ears. He couldn’t bear to look at any of them.

Had they seen? Was it already on the news? Did everyone know what they had done? 

Cloud stood up wordlessly to stand at his side as Tifa greeted the rest of them with open arms. 

He felt insane. Everyone was so happy about their actions and he felt like dying. Maybe he had died back on that cliffside. Maybe this was his punishment. 

“Let’s go.” Cloud’s voice broke through the rushing in his ears, a sharp elbow knocking against his own and Zack took a sudden breath as if he had forgotten how to. He nodded and turned his back on Seventh Heaven, on Avalanche, on this night. 

“Merc.” Barret’s voice stopped him in his tracks, but he didn’t dare to turn. He didn’t know what he would do if he turned around right now. “You can come by tomorrow to pick up your payment.” Barret said. Zack could hear the smile in his voice and his chest bubbled with rage. Cloud entered his field of vision, hovering by his side. 

“Keep it.” He told Barret and kept walking before he did _another_ thing he would regret later. He just wanted to be home and their shitty apartment was the closest thing he had. The muddy ground squelched beneath his boots and he yearned for the unbearably humid jungle of Gongaga. He wanted to open the door and see his parents sitting at their table arguing over something trivial in the paper. But he was a thousand miles and half a life away from that place right now. If it even still stood. 

By the time he sat down on their bed, he couldn’t remember how he had gotten there, everything blurred together. He buried his face in his hands, the balls of his hands pressing into his eyes until he saw stars. 

The door clicked shut softly and he focused on the sound of Cloud’s footsteps until he felt the mattress dip next to him. 

“What are they thinking?” Zack muttered, letting his hands fall. His gloves were covered in dust and grime from all the rubble he had climbed through earlier. He couldn’t bear to look at it, swiftly but clumsily pulling them off and dropping them to the ground. His bangle followed suit, the Material glowing dimly in their dark room. He unclasped the Iron Blade from his back that Biggs had gotten him at the weapon’s store earlier and shoved it roughly into the corner of the room. It slid over the wood floor until the softly clinked against the Buster Sword leaning against the wall. In the dark it seemed to judge him silently for his mistakes and Zack had to avert his eyes. 

“They hate Shin-Ra.” Cloud said carefully, his voice neutral. 

Zack laughed humorlessly and shook his head. “So what?” Zack hated Shin-Ra, Cloud hated Shin-Ra. It didn’t give them any right to take it out on random civilians. He didn’t even want to think about the amount of innocent personnel that might have been in the Reactor when it blew. He didn’t want this, he had never wanted this. This wasn’t a fight for survival or self defence it was just _cruel_.

He stood suddenly, unable to keep the nervous energy inside of him contained. Everything reeked of Mako and for a terrifying moment he wondered if any of it was clinging to his clothes. Would they make him sick? Would they make Cloud sick? His mud caked boots hit the wall next to the door, then quickly deposited them outside. His shirt went next, pulling it over his head and with it fluttered the red bandana Jessie had tied around his hair onto the floor. The stark contrast of colors captivated him for seconds, until he could only see blood on the floor. He picked it up quickly and tossed his clothes into the shower. He would have to scrub them down, he thought as he got out of his pants. 

“Zack?” Cloud’s voice was laced with worry and when Zack finally managed to look at him, he saw his brow deep in furrow, watching him from the bed. 

This was wrong. No, Cloud wasn’t supposed to worry about Zack. Zack was supposed to protect him, this was how this was meant to go. He had to pull himself together. 

He slowed down in his movements deliberately, forcing himself to take deep breaths, and filed away the memories of tonight into the far back of his mind to worry about later. 

“Well,” he said, his voice as light as he managed it. “What’s done is done, right?” He smiled at Cloud which only deepened his frown. 

“Zack.” Cloud said but Zack ignored him, doing a few squats in his underwear before stretching his arms above his head. 

“I better shower. It’s late, we should sleep.” He told Cloud and quickly walked into the shower stall, closing the flimsy door carefully. Not too fast, not too slow. He turned the water on immediately. The icy cold was a welcome shock to his system that calmed him down just a little. Zack was just still on edge, leftover adrenaline in his system. A shower and some rest and he would be as good as new tomorrow. It had always worked in the past. 

The water took its time warming up, not that it ever passed lukewarm temperatures down here in the slums. Zack scrubbed himself down methodically. Just gotta get through tonight, he told himself. Tomorrow everything would be better. 

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, letting the water run down his face. 

_Water? No. Mako._

Zack’s eyes snapped open and he stepped out from underneath the stream, his heart slamming into his chest. His hand connected with the wall of the shower stall, slippery- 

_His fingernails scraping against glass until the material gave or his nails snapped._

No, no, nonono. He wasn’t in Nibelheim, he wasn’t in the mansion’s basement. He wasn’t in the tube. He was in Midgar. Sector 7 slums. He was- 

_-chocking on the thick liquid. It felt like drowning, until he realized it wasn’t water._

He slammed into the door of the stall, falling as the flimsy lock broke under his weight. On his hands and knees he sat on the floor gasping, drowning. He was out of there, he broke out, he got out. Five years lost but he had gotten out, they would never get him back in there, he rather die- 

_“You call yourself a Soldier?”_

Angeal’s sword resting on the wall, watching him, judging him. 

_“You tarnish the Soldier name.”_

Blood, blood on the floor or was it water, darkening the wood? 

A cold hand settled onto his back, right between his shoulder blades. A familiar touch. Zack closed his eyes, focused on Cloud’s hand. He was here, he was right here. They both were. They were fine, they were not fine. But they would be, they were better than they used to be. He blinked, his eyes heavy from water drops on his lashes and he saw Cloud’s knees right in his field of vision. He looked up and Mako green eyes hit Mako green eyes and he surged forward, wrapping himself around Cloud’s slender frame. Even shivering and wet and freezing, Zack slung his arms around Cloud and held him tight until it hurt, but he didn’t dare to part. Cloud held him just as tightly. 

“Cloud-” Zack said but his throat closed, unable to speak more. 

“I know.” Cloud said and Zack could feel the vibration of his voice deep in his own chest. 

* * *

“What do you say?” Zack asked with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

Cloud looked between him and the sword he offered to him. “I don’t-” He started but closed his mouth midway through the sentence.

“I told you I’d teach you.” Zack said encouragingly. “Besides, I’ve seen you fight already. You’re not half bad. It’s just about staying in shape.” 

Cloud’s eyes snapped to him and if Zack didn’t know better, he would think that Cloud looked vaguely sick at the comment. But it was likely just the rough night they had behind them. By the time morning light had streamed into the apartment, Zack had felt like he hadn’t slept much at all. The night had been a jumbled mess of nightmares and memories blending together with the present as he had tossed and turned. His eyes still burned when he blinked. Cloud had managed to drop off some time during the night but at most he had gotten a few stray hours. 

But it was a new day. 

Yesterday was yesterday and Zack was going to make the most of today. 

“Don’t know if you remember back on our way here.”, Zack said. “I thought about how we could both be mercenaries once we got here. And with you feeling better every day, we could do that. If you want to, of course.” He added quickly. He didn’t want to pressure Cloud into anything. They hadn’t really talked about what they would do now that Cloud was recovering finally. If they would even stick together. After all they didn’t know each other that well. 

Zack shook his head against the thoughts. No, they were friends. They were in this together. Them against the world. Or Shin-Ra, as it were.

“Even if you don’t want to go into mercenary business, I’d feel better knowing you know how to defend yourself. Better than you already do.” He said gently. Cloud wasn’t helpless, he knew that much but still. He couldn’t help but be concerned. 

Cloud looked a little on the pale side this morning. His eyes fell from Zack to the sword still between them, staring at it for an uncomfortable amount of time. Eventually Cloud reached out, hand hesitating just before he touched the hilt. 

“Okay.” He said, gaze unfocused. 

* * *

The little open space Tifa had showed them was perfect for some sword practice. It was free of garbage and scrap, but separated from the streets so that nobody would wander across them as they swung giant swords around. Plus the occasional Doom- and Wererats also deterred people from coming here, which weren’t a problem for Zack. 

The morning passed quickly as he walked Cloud through the basics of sword training, letting him wield the Iron Blade. Cloud was a quick learner. Zack knew that the infantry got basic combat training with all kinds of weapons and he had seen Cloud wield the Buster Sword in a rudimentary way before back in Nibelheim, but it was easy to see that Cloud was a natural. Zack didn’t consider himself a good teacher, but with ever gentle stance correction he felt Angeal’s memory, a soothing presence today. It felt good. Zack enjoyed every moment of it. 

“Okay, I think we are ready for some sparring.” Zack told Cloud with a clap on the shoulder by the time he started to feel hungry. “Lunch break after.” 

Zack put some distance between them, taking the Buster Sword off his back and holding it in front of him. 

Cloud looked positively nauseous. “I don’t-” He started but stopped himself. 

“It’s fine. You’re not going to hurt me.” Zack said, bounding on his feet. “Just hit me with all you got.” He smiled brightly and Cloud sighed deeply. He nodded, rolling his shoulders and widened his stance. Cloud adjusted the grip on the sword a little awkwardly before he lifted it, just the way Zack had shown him earlier. 

He was at Zack in a few big steps, sword coming down on him. Zack lifted his own sword and parried easily. Cloud’s form was fine but there was little force behind the blow, as if he was only using the weight of the sword instead of his own strength to attack.

“Okay, you can put a little more into it.” He said, his wrist twisting and twirling his blade until their crossed sword tips hit the dirt.

Cloud’s lips pressed together, he took a step back, sword dragging along until he had the room for a sideways swing. Zack’s foot scraped back, his own sword following the swing, until the blow glanced harmlessly along the metal. He swung the blade around until he could slap Cloud’s hip with the board side, making him stumble in surprise.

“Hit me like you mean it.” Zack demanded. 

Cloud huffed and walked away in a semi-circle before he faced Zack again. Frustration streaked his face. 

Zack gave him the moment to get his thoughts in order. Neither of them were bringing their A-game today after the night they had had and it was their first day with the swords. But he knew also that Cloud wouldn’t appreciate getting coddled. 

“Don’t be afraid. You won’t hurt me.” Zack reassured him.

“I’m not afraid.” Cloud shot back, irritated. 

Zack blinked. “Okay. Then come at me.” He said, lifting the sword once again. 

Cloud closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and when he opened them again, something had changed. 

His stance widened and before Zack could correct him, Cloud had lifted the sword above his head, tip pointing directly at Zack. There was something familiar about his posture. Zack didn’t have time to place it because Cloud’s legs shifted and suddenly he was a blur of motion. He rushed forward suddenly, sword swinging down so quickly that Zack barely had time to parry. The force of it made him stagger backwards. The next blow came just as fast, the impact of metal on metal vibrated through his bones and Cloud didn’t let up. He spun, using the force of his attack and the weight of the sword for his momentum pivoting to attack Zack’s other side. He deflected the attack again but Cloud was already spinning again back to the other side, blows raining down like-

_Sephiroth_.

Zack sword clattered to the ground as he fell backwards. Cloud’s last blow swung over his head, the force of it brushing his hair and in the blink of an eye the Iron Blade also hit the ground. 

Cloud stumbled backwards, breath going fast and face twisted into a horrified expression, but all Zack could think was- 

“Sorry, I’m-” Cloud stammered, hand reaching out, but stopping himself from coming closer and there was the thinly veiled panic in his voice that finally snapped Zack out of his stupor. 

“I’m fine.” He said quickly, lifting his hands and picking himself up off the ground. “All good. See?” Zack brushed the dust off his pants and picked up the Buster Sword again. “Just took me by surprise. You were so fast all of the sudden.” He smiled at Cloud. “Holding back on me, were you?” He joked, but Cloud obviously wasn’t in the mood for it. 

He kept the few feet distance between them and let his sword lie in the dirt, not even bothering to pick it up. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides, trying to hide their shaking. 

“Or maybe I’m more out of shape than I thought.” Zack said, rubbing the back of his head with a grin. He walked over slowly, picking the Iron Blade off the ground as he went. Cloud stood there, rigid, watching him. “It’s so different from a gun, isn’t it?” He mused. He didn’t expect Cloud to answer him so he just kept talking as he closed the distance. It made sense that it would freak Cloud out a little. “Takes some getting used to.” Feeling the impact of the weapon on another person or a monster was always a little uncomfortable. Especially when metal connected with flesh. “It doesn’t have to be a sword though. If you hate it.” Zack said gently. “I’m sure we can find something else.” His mind was already making plans, talking to Biggs or Wedge with all their contacts. Barret had a gatling gun strapped to his arm, surely finding a simple firearm wouldn’t be too difficult. 

“It’s not-” Cloud started, frowning, jaw clicking shut. He closed his eyes for a moment and Zack could practically hear the argument happening in his head even when he stayed silent. When he opened his eyes again he took the sword out of Zack’s hands. “It’s fine.” He said through gritted teeth.

Zack looked at him, trying to find any contradiction to his words. 

It was a bad day for them both, he figured and sighed internally. 

“Okay. Back to it then. Just a few more minutes though. I’m starving.” He said and took position once more, ignoring the thoughts in his head-

_-when had Cloud learned how to fight like Sephiroth?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot summary for those that want to skip this chapter:  
> \- Everyone returns to the Sector 7 slums after the first reactor attack  
> \- Zack refuses his payment by Barret  
> \- Back in their apartment, Zack spirals into a panic attack including some flashbacks to their time in the Mako tanks and Cloud comforts him  
> \- The next morning Zack convinces Cloud to sword lessons after some resistance  
> \- At sword practise Zack believes to notice Cloud fighting like Sephiroth
> 
> Thank you everyone for waiting paitently for this chapter! January was a bit hectic but the next chapter is going to be back to regular scheduel! I hope you all enjoyed, thanks so much for all your kind comments, they mean the world.  
> As always many many thanks to my wonderful beta Echoed-Music <3


	10. Bitter Aftertaste

“Shouldn’t Zack be here too?” Wedge asked and Barret scowled. He already had a bad night, woken up with a blinding headache that only marginally improved after breakfast and a lot of coffee. The night had been a confusing mess of dreams and nightmares, people drowning in green glowing water, Corel burning in the middle Midgar and him at the center, unmoving. 

The atmosphere at the bar had already been strained and uncomfortable by the time his team rolled in and the subsequent discussion of their actions of the previous day hadn’t improved it. 

“You heard him yesterday. Think’s he’s too good for it.” He said but even before the words fully left this mouth he regretted them. He wasn’t being fair and the glance Tifa threw him reminded him of it, but he also didn’t feel charitable today. Zack had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with their cause, fine. They didn’t need him and his baggage. 

“Tifa is going to take his place.” He said and all eyes in the room turned to Tifa. She startled by the sudden attention but quickly gave a grave nod. “We need to make the most of the chaos so get ready to move out soon, same time as yesterday.” 

“Tonight?” Jessie asked, alarmed. 

He squinted at her. “Yes, tonight. Why?”

She deflated a bit under his stare. “I was hoping to have a bit more time to work on the next iteration of explosives. Considering how the last one reacted-'' Jessie wrung her hands, looking down to the floor, uncharacteristically sullen. “I want to make sure it’s right, this time.” 

Barret wanted to dismiss her suggestion outright, feeling agitated and impatient but he couldn’t help but dwell on it. By all of their research, the bomb shouldn’t have caused that much damage, even when reacting with Mako. That was why they had chosen the style of bomb they had. Small but precise destruction. But it was useless to pretend they shouldn’t have expected something like this. Shin-Ra was deliberately obfuscating the information available about the Reactors, who knew what laid beneath their inner workings. 

Barret had to accept that this sort of destruction was a price he had to be willing to pay in order to destroy Shin-Ra. 

“We can’t afford them bolstering the guard on the reactors. We don’t have the people for a full-scale attack,” He said. Maybe if the rest of Avalanche hadn’t been cowards they could have the luxury of time. But between the few people in this room and the few non combatant stragglers scattered around the slums, their faction had to take every chance they had. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure they can, boss.” Biggs threw in, one hand on his chin. “As long as they don’t know our next target, they don’t have the personnel to bolster every reactor’s defences. Not after that massacre.” 

Barret frowned. “What massacre?” 

“I overheard it while I was doing recon. Didn’t seem relevant before. Apparently they lost a couple hundred infantry fairly recently in a manhunt for some fugitives.” Biggs explained. Fugitives, Barret thought and threw a sidelong glance at Tifa, who seemed deep in thought at the news. Zack had mentioned running into opposition from Shin-Ra on the run and had gotten messed up. But hundreds?

“You double check that?” He asked instead.

“‘Course, boss.” Biggs nodded. “Troop movement that big? Not even Shin-Ra can hide that even if they  _ did  _ try really hard. Only a handful made it back alive. Apparently the Turks were involved in the search as well.” 

Turks, huh. Barret had never personally had the pleasure, but he knew enough about them to be glad about that fact. What fugitives would be so important? Maybe a pair of discarded Soldier boys after all.

“From what I heard, management is really scrambling with ground troops.” Biggs added.

Barret considered his words, sparing a look at Jessie who must have tried hard not to look too hopeful. 

“Besides, we’re all real tired, yeah?” Wedge threw in. “We could do with some more rest.” 

Barret sighed, knowing this battle was lost. He was too soft on them. Hopefully it wouldn’t be their downfall. 

He fixed Jessie in a stare until she looked at him. “One night. I want everything ready by the same time tomorrow.” 

She stifled a squeal and gave him a mock salute. “Got it, boss.” She said, positively beaming with determination. He hoped he wouldn’t come to regret his decision. He looked at his team.

“Well, you got work to do. Get out of here!” He ordered and Jessie, Biggs and Wedge scrambled immediately in their usual flurry of chaos. 

He shook his head at their retreating backs and sighed. 

“Probably a good idea. We don’t want a repeat of yesterday.” Tifa mused quietly.

Barret huffed. “Why not? Yesterday was a success.” He said and stepped behind the bar with a glance at the clock. Time to open soon. He really didn’t feel like having the usual hustle and bustle in the bar. His temples were still slightly throbbing and when he closed his eyes he saw glowing green. 

Tifa stared at him, shocked. “What?” He asked her when she just stood there. 

“What? So much destruction? So many people-”

“They were Shin-Ra’s. They knew what they signed up for.” He said, his blood running hot. Maybe to convince them both. He couldn’t deal with this right now. If they talked about it, he would have to think about it and if he thought about it too long his resolve would crumble and then it would have all been for nothing. There was no going back in time, no undoing yesterday. They had done what they had done and would have to live with it. At best he could shoulder the brunt of the burden for his team. 

“Not all of them are bad even if they work for Shin-Ra, you know that. Zack worked for them and he’s not a bad person.” Tifa said, following him behind the bar. Even with her smaller frame she was an intimidating presence. 

“Great, so Shin-Ra’s people are either blind or cowards.” He scoffed and Tifa’s mouth fell open. He turned his back to her. “Ignorance has never helped anyone.” Barret added with a finality that he hoped would end the conversation.

“I thought we were supposed to be better than them.” Tifa said and Barret felt the words all the way into his core. He swirled around.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“This wasn’t how we wanted it to go. All that-.” 

“You weren’t there.” 

“I saw it on the news! Half of the Sector was destroyed.”

Barret scoffed. “Since when do you trust the news?” 

Tifa crossed her arms in front of her chest, eyes blazing with righteous fury. “Then you tell me the truth. How bad was it really?” 

It was worse. “It was fine.” He lied. “Nothing we weren’t expecting. All that matters is that we send a message.” 

Tifa’s jaw clenched and her eyes were hard set on his face but he wasn’t about to cower under her. 

“Are you with me or not?” He asked and Tifa’s face fell.

“How can you even ask that?” She asked, betrayed and all the sudden Barret’s anger had vanished. 

“Tifa-” 

She brushed past him. “I’ve got to get the bar ready.” She said and busied herself collecting dirty glasses onto a tray with more force than necessary. 

Fine. If she wanted to be like that, he thought truculently. He walked over to the fridge, grabbed a beer while wishing for something stronger and stomped outside. 

The cool breeze was a welcome change from the stuffiness inside. He opened the bottle of beer on his gun arm and took a long swig, closing his eyes and trying to calm his breathing. Immediately the regret came. He knew Tifa was right, he knew Jessie was right. Yesterday had not been what any of them had anticipated. By all accounts the explosive shouldn’t have been as devastating as it had been. There was something they didn’t know and going ahead without more caution would be dangerous. But he couldn’t give Shin-Ra time to retaliate. They would never survive it. 

He took a deep breath, letting it fill his lungs and let it out slowly. Somewhere in the distance he heard crying. Barret shook his head. He needed to apologize to Tifa and talk this out, right now. 

He turned to go back inside only to jump as he noticed the long figure sitting at one of the porch tables. Cloud looked at him from his seat silently with his eerie glowing eyes.

“Fuck.” Barret exclaimed, holding his beer bottle against his chest where his heart hammered. “We need to put a fucking bell around your neck.” 

Cloud just raised an eyebrow at him. 

Barret shook his head. “What’re doing here? How long have you been sitting here?” 

Cloud shrugged. Great conversationalist as always.

“Does Zack know you’re here?” He asked. Cloud gave a half-hearted shrug, then shook his head. 

“He’s gonna worry.” Barret said. 

“He’s always worried.” Cloud replied and frowned, looking straight ahead. Barret almost startled, hearing his voice. “I’m… difficult.” Cloud added after a moment of silence.

_ You and me both _ , Barret thought and sat down next to him, taking a swig of his beer. The talking was new, but it was nice to see that that hack of a doctor had been wrong about Cloud. He was going to be just fine on his own. Resilient, that one. 

“Where’d he run off to anyway?” Barret asked, unable to keep the cutting edge out of his voice. Cloud gave him a sideways glance. 

“Aerith.” He replied. 

Another thing Barret didn’t want to think about. It was enough that his night had been laced with bizarre dreams of green light and voices talking in an unintelligible mess. Not thinking about it, nope. He took another sip of beer. Cloud didn’t feel the need to keep up the conversation and Barret was glad for the silence. He idly wondered if Cloud had heard his and Tifa’s argument, sitting outside. 

The slums in front of them were their usual bustle. Untouched by the destruction they had wrought just yesterday, only a few hours away from here. 

“Tell me something.” Barret said, looking on ahead as he felt Cloud turn to look at him. 

“Tifa mentioned you were a nice kid from a backwater town,” there was the slightest flinch from Cloud at the description. “Why join Shin-Ra?” He asked. Barret could imagine the reasons, after all he had fallen for their lies once too. There were lots of reasons. Shin-Ra was the biggest employer in the world, their company touched nearly every aspect of life. It was almost impossible not to get involved with them. Their omnipresence was suffocating. But he needed to know, needed perspective. Something.

Cloud hummed and shifted in his seat. His eyes drifted around the area as he gathered his thoughts. Barret didn’t mind. He sipped carefully at his beer, trying to sort through the mess in his own head. 

“Wanted to be a Soldier. Like-” Cloud explained but stopped, glaring at nothing. His mouth opened and closed with half formed words, eyes lacing with frustration. Even if he was doing better than he had, nobody just shrugged off Mako poisoning just like that. “Like Zack.” He said eventually, sounding unsure. 

Barret looked at him, the Mako eyes, the hand resting on the table that had tried to heal around glass shards, remembered the force of his blow while half delirious out in the wastelands. 

“Looks like you got your wish.” He said carefully. 

Cloud gave a wry smile and looked at his hand. Only a few days ago it had been full of crushed glass, cut up and bleeding. The wounds had long since healed, now looking months old instead of days but the scarring was significant. Thick jagged lines spread out across his palm where the skin had pulled itself back together too quickly. It looked violent, from just a few shallow cuts. Barret wondered if they still hurt. 

“Sort of.” He said, curling his fingers into a loose fist. 

“Why a Soldier? Did you want to fight in the war?” Barret asked, eyes still glued to Cloud’s hand. 

Cloud shook his head, lips still pressed into that joyless smile. “Wanted to be a hero.” He said and his gaze became distant. 

A hero, huh? Noble goals. 

The silence between them stretched as they sat but at least it didn’t feel uncomfortable. 

He sat his bottle down and pushed it towards Cloud. “You ever had beer?” He asked, if nothing else but to get him out of his head. 

Cloud seemed almost startled by the question, he turned to look at Barret, then at the offered bottle. His brow furrowed in concentration. “Dunno.” He said eventually. 

Barret gestured toward the bottle and Cloud took it, taking a moderate sip. His face betrayed nothing as he swallowed and pushed the bottle back to Barret’s side of the table. “That’s pretty bad.” He said. Barret felt a short laugh burst forth. 

“Yeah. You didn’t miss out much.” 

“Lucky me.” Cloud said, voice heavy with sarcasm. 

“Tifa can show you how to make a mean cocktail.” Barret said, nodding towards the entrance. He felt that urgency climb up his chest that made him want to apologize for being a dickhead again. Like a band-aid, just get it over with. He stood. 

Cloud just gave another meaningful hum but made no movement otherwise. Eyes growing unfocused again. 

“You ever tend a bar before?” Barret asked and Cloud turned to look at him incredulously. It was the single most hilarious expression he had seen of the guy yet.

“When would I-?” He asked, entirely perplex. “No.” 

Barret nodded toward the door of the bar. “Come on then, we’ll put you to work.” 

Cloud didn’t look convinced. “Unless you wanna sit out here bored all day.” Barret added with a shrug. He didn’t wait for Cloud to make up his mind and went back inside before he put it off any longer. 

Tifa was furiously scrubbing down a plate by the sink. She didn’t even look up when the door opened and his heavy footsteps fell. He approached slowly until he stood behind her. 

“I’m sorry.” He said.

Tifa deflated immediately with a heavy sigh. She let the plate sink into the dishwater and turned to look at him. “Me too. I know you are under a lot of stress-” She said, giving him an apologetic smile.

“It’s no reason for me to be an asshole. You are right to bring up your concerns.” Barret said firmly. He wasn’t half as good at anything if his team didn’t give him lip every now and then. It was something to encourage not to punish. Especially not when it came from Tifa who’s heart was always in the right place. 

“I know we decided on this.” Tifa said, worrying a lip between her teeth and looking away. “I guess it just didn’t feel real to me until now. I am still with you. Every step of the way.” She said her eyes met his toward the end of her sentence. 

He couldn’t help but smile gratefully at her. “I never doubted that. Do you  _ want  _ to come?” Barret asked.

Tifa looked down into the bubbly water in the sink. Without her gloves she her hands looked so frail. It was easy to forget how strong she was. Then she raised her chin. “I want to protect my friends. And I want to destroy  _ them _ . I can’t really do that, hiding in the bar all day.” 

They shared a smile and Barret pulled her into a hug, uncaring about her soapy wet hands that looped around his back. He pressed a kiss into her hair. He hated fighting with his best friend. 

“We do this together. You keep me in check, yeah?” 

“Of course.” Her arms tightened around his middle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this chapter was both a blast and a curse. ive had that scene with barret and cloud talking on the porch in my head since i started this and it was a relief to finally get it out there. i hope you all enjoyed it! 
> 
> thanks to kate, sid and rowan for helping with this chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my wonderful beta Echoed-Music as always! 
> 
> This really is my friends' fault for dragging me into this fandom kicking and screaming. I hope everyone enjoyed!


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